Fluture

Dreams and Passions
2003-12-12 06:58:22 (UTC)

Get A Life

Today was the most annoying day. Not only did I sleep until
one in the afternoon (damn flu, I've had it for about two
months now??) it was "Return Of The Ex" week at work?
As if there isn't enough drama going on on the job all the
ex's showed up this week causing trouble. And if they
aren't the "Ex" of somebody its the current "B/f,G/f" of
somebody starting trouble.
Somebody remind me why I should even care about it?
I don't really, just makes my job harder because I'm
working double-time while everyone is working out their
problems with their other half. :(
Maybe i'm just bitter? Who knows.
MY ex gives me quite a headache. Although we still talk and
are friends he exhausts me most of the time...he is in a
stage where all he wants to do is wallow in his misery.
I've been there...So I can't say too much. But it surely
brings a person down. My mother called me today saying
there is an opening at her store on first shift and wants
me to apply...no pressure.
RIGHT. This is my mother we're talking about?! Working with
her eight hours a day, forty hours a week would have me
wanting to kill myself within the first month. Same reasons
why I can't move back home. Its not a matter of pride. I
simply cannot handle it. I'm not trying to bash her. I love
my mother very much and everything she does she does
because she loves me and wants the best for me. But I also
realise that she is quite an aggressive person, rather its
her fault or not, and I can only handle it in small doses.
Ive learned her challenging life made her this way, and no
one changes overnight. She had to become this way to simply
survive her circumstances and once you condition yourself
to be a certain way...for whatever reasons you have...the
longer it lasts and the older you become...the harder it is
to break.
So while I do not blame my mother for being the way that
she is..it doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with
on a daily basis. I nearly lost my mind living at home so I
can't risk working with her. I don't want it to ruin our
new relationship we have and I know that it will. At the
same time I know she will give me hell when I turn it down.
She get aggressive and mad with me...i think. Hell, lately
I don't know how she's going to respond to ANY Given
situation? I used to be able to read her like a book...but
she's really trying. So sometimes I'm wrong in how she will
react.
I hope i'm wrong this time.
I emailed E about a beautiful day I'd had...and he had
nothing good to say about it. He's become so cynical its
such a shame. And he does it to himself. Pride will be the
death of him i'm sure. Too much pride to stop doing what he
now hates and rebuild his life into something he can enjoy.
He's a male. He's 34 years old. I believe he's scared to
death its too late? But its never too late to begin again.
I can't seem to get this through his head. He will surely
die from stress and all the pressure he's under at this new
lab. I do believe he realises he made a huge mistake in
being a pompous ass back at his old lab in Worcester and
demanding this and that until he took this job in Niagra
Falls...now instead of improving his life its gotten worse.
He always has to have more.
Its never enough.
He's so lost about whats important...I feel for him. He
puts himself through so many unnessary challenges. And
where I loved him so much and wanted to protect him at one
time and be there for him and help him through...now I have
to keep a certain amount of distance between us. Obviously
more than the physical, because he's sick in his madness,
his quest for the best, to be the best. And if I get too
close, he hurts me. Not intentionally...but it drains me.
I started off complaining about everyones else's drama from
work. The ironic part is I probably have more of it going
on than some of them! The difference is I keep it at HOME.
Work is my escape from it.




Ad: