Jules420

The Adventures of Jules Santana
2003-12-11 15:15:44 (UTC)

Not Gon' Cry

Today I have to say that I just feel really sad. And its
really not the type of feeling that people have around this
time of the year, but I’m being honest. I mean yesterday,
or should I say last night, was not the best night.
Apparently last night it was discovered that I somehow
taped over the episode of “Crossing Over with John Edwards”
(that show that the guy is on and he speaks with the dead
and all). Well on the episode a couple of weeks ago, my
aunt was on there, and he got a reading on her and was
talking to my aunt who passed away a few years ago. Well
this is my mother’s sister so she taped it on two tapes,
one for my cousins and one for her. Well I taped over it
by accident and now my mother is thoroughly disgusted with
me and with my shows that I taped over. But I feel really
bad and really sad that I did this, and though it wasn’t
intentional, I just can’t seem to feel any better. But the
part that now has me not really on speaking terms with my
parents is the fact that they seriously were getting
all “crazy” with me about it and all, and then wanted to
tell me what I was going to do to rectify the situation.
Now I figured during the whole time, that I would just take
one for the team, let them get pissed and everything, but
when I’m being told what I am going to do, I just can’t
keep my mouth shut. So now, in order to avoid any further
conflict with them, I am simply just not going to be
speaking. I mean to be honest, I am not a rude or ignorant
person, so should they ask me questions or anything, I will
of course answer them, but other than that, I really have
nothing else to say. My problem is that I am being made to
feel terribly guilty for something that wasn’t my fault.
I mean I made a mistake, but everyone is here acting as if
I did something so wrong and heinous, and like I can’t just
call my cousin Phil over to bring his tape and we can just
make 2 copies. I mean that’s exactly what I’ll do, I’m
just going to put the two VCR’s together and make a copy.
But this is a sign that it is definitely time for me to
move out of the house, because things are getting just too
much for me to deal with. And I just feel like I’m
slipping back in to my child-like state of always feeling
bad about myself and guilty, and I’m not trying to say that
I am blaming my parents in any way shape or form, but I
mean it’s just that I can’t live like that anymore. If I
live like that, then I should be back in 9th grade. But
that’s all I can say at this point. Something to look
forward to for today would be that me and Wanda are meeting
at 3pm to have lunch at Saladworks, and then we’re just
probably gonna drink and smoke and all tonight.




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