Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
2003-12-11 09:52:54 (UTC)

My eyes are open... I'm exposed

I never felt this way in any day or second of my past
teen ages. Its seems that... I must have matured. I see
life for what it really is now. I know there are so many
great things and people in the world. But... my feelings. I
don't know how to explain it just yet. Its like although
the door to becomming a man has opened for me, not only the
good things were revealed. The negative things rushed to me
as well.
I didn't know I would ever become such a weakling.
I've become sensitive about what my female friends do in
life. And I worry about them more often. And not just them,
its my boys also. That old dream.... in my childhood when I
turned 13. I wanted to be the greatest fighter in the
entire world. And not just a champion either. I wanted to
have no weaknesses. My heart grew cold to get rid of deep
and shallow emotion for people. Deep inside however, the
old childhood charles just refused to leave my soul. And
later... when I fell in love, I came back.
Not just the old me though. I feel like I've been born
again. I
want to help people now. I like making people happy and I
can't stand suffering. I want to defend the weak and
helpless. Even if someone is guilty of an even greater sin
than the last, they should right their wrongs. I still have
yet to find an answer to why I care so much for Erika. I've
never met her in person. I don't think I'm on her mind much
often. And I know shes been through and will go through a
lot... if she doesn't change soon. I shouldn't have made
that promise to her... I kind of regret it now. I won't
forget her... although sometimes I do want to.
Even so, I believe in her. She can change, just like
everyone else. It will be hard though considering that shes
used to it all. But I pray and I talk to her so day she will. I never in my mind expected
girls to play such a big part in my life. But anyways, I'm
not changing my love for... my dream girl ;) She might be
hispanic. And if we have kids they might not have my skin
color like the past generations of the charles bloodline.
They also may not have my eyes. But, there is a 1 in 4
chances of my first born looking like me! So long as there
is a chance thats all that matters I suppose. No... all
that matters is that I have a little charles... and he
carries on the tradition of my bloodline.
I'm sure one day there will be a lot of us. lol Well,
I hope I make it in the Charles Hall of Fame one day!!!
lol! :) Alas I am only the 4th... Theres a long way to go.
But thats my future, and I accept it. I'd love to have a
boy of my own named after me. I'm proud that I got to be
the next charles! Thats something my dad always taught me.
Never be ashamed to have the name charles. Yeah... I'm like
the luckyest guy in the world! ^_^ Well I'm going to go
now... Did I mention I'm having surgery on my ingrown
toenail this morning?! lol I hope its not too painful, but
I should be ok. Well see you around.