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2003-12-11 00:12:59 (UTC)

To Be or Not To Be


it's been almost two months since me n omar started going
out... soo far lets c wat we have

-forgot one month anniversary
-doesn't understand me at all
-very inexperienced
-too serious
-too cocky
-too stubborn
-EXTREMELY non-chalant
-lacks understanding of love and gentleman'ness
now .. some good things

-um um um... god this is hard
lol.. just kidding
now seriously hablar'ing....

- he loves me tons times a million..although our
definitions of love differ infinitesimly
- he's smart and funny..
-really nice smile
-dresses well
-appreciates me ... sometimes a little too much

most of all...the true reason seems to be that i simply
dont connect with him..maybe im not letting myself get to
close to him because im scared or maybe he's just too
different from this idea of a boyfriend that i'm used
to a wise person once remarked...we all have a trajic
flaw- resistance to change. If the in our norm we
experience pain, atleast the pain is familiar. My painful
norm - vitthal. Do i still have feelings for him? yes.. do
i still want to love him? yes
Do i still love him ? .. im not quite sure
most importatntly...are these feelings the reason for my
distance from omar? ... are they that invisible wall that
is around me? ... AM I BEING FAIR TO OMAR???

i dont know...

i thought i was over him.. yet doesnt seem like i truly am.
But im sick of not knowing, i NEED to know... i HAVE to go
to India this summer, i MUST go to india, i MUST see him to
truly figure out how i feel .. i miss him and that is all i
know for a fact.

Vitty .. i love u .. i do

soo the question.. * to be...or not to be *