Trina18

Starlite Starbrite
2003-12-10 21:04:47 (UTC)

Crappy Day

Today is pretty crappy..not because of things that have
happened but because of the weather..it just beings ya
down. It is rainy and cold here and it sux. Anyways a lot
has happened.....my mom probably scared the crap out of
scott by asking him when he was going to basically marry
me...i dont know you think she wanted to get rid of me :)
Nah anyways after that question it was like we really got
comfortable with eachother i mean we always have been but
not in an intimate way....we actually talked about sexual
stuff between the two of us...it was awesome. I enjoyed our
conversation so much and it just made me miss him more..now
i cant wait till he comes home...hint hint! He even put me
on the spot by asking me if i tell my mom everything does
that mean that i would get engaged to him or wanted
to...well i talked my way out of that question because i
scared myself...when he asked that....in my head and in my
heart i said yes.....for god's sake i am only 18 i am not
supposed to be ready to be in love or to get married to
someone...it scares the shit out of me..i mean i know i
have a great guy he is wonderful i know this and i do love
him with all my heart and more!! But the chances of him
being ready for that or even feeling that strong of a love
for me is rare..and finding the ONE person who you want to
be with for the rest of your life when you are only in
highschool or even just 18 is RARE!! And it figures me who
has a problem with being alone but gets scared of
committment because i dont want to get hurt has found that
one person who i know i could spend the rest of my life
with and i admitted it to MYSELF! SO NOT COOL....i mean i
know he loves me believe me i know this...but like i said
before i have a problem with letting people get close to me
and he is the only person close to me to where i tell him
everything and he knows everything about me and thats not
cool cuz he knows me...i guess its like he could hurt me
easier or it would hurt more if something happened down the
road ya know....he knows my weaknesses and makes me feel
vulnerable but safer than anybody..nothing can touch me
when i am with him or in his arms....i enjoy his company
and i can have intelligent conversations with him and he
listens..yea yea all this is great trust i should not have
to repeat myself but i am trying hard not to push him away
cuz i will regret just being friends with him when i know
for a fact that he is the one...dam it trina shut up!! UGG
this sucks especially since i cant act on my feelings cuz
he is sooo dam far away.....boy i really need to stop
worrying and just be happy that he loves me back....ugg but
i am so scared and i know he worries to b/c of all people
he is the least to ever say i love you...he is like his
father doesnt say anything mushy but he can show you he
loves you or if he is drunk he will tell u..haha..well i
think i am okay now..i will be fine...i have a good man
whom i am waiting for and will eventually come back to
me. :)

Star light star bright first star i see tonight...i wish i
may i wish i might have this wish i make tonight...i wish
to be happy and just not worry about getting hurt b/c i
have a good guy who loves me back :~)




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