Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
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2003-12-10 02:50:39 (UTC)

My heart... where is it?

Its strange. Ever since yesterday night. I'm starting
to look at Astrid differently in my mind... Not in a bad
way. Shes cute, and I do really love her still. But....
I've been doing some thinking on my own. What if I.... do
get kind of dissapointed when we meet in person? What if
she never changes for herself? ... ... I'm putting that
behind me. I chose to be with this girl for a reason.
Although I just seemed to be attracted to her at first,
then I was in love, and now... what is beyond love?
I don't know... I'm trying be ready for her.
I want to be in shape, have muscles, and thicker hair. I
also want to have a life going on. I still won't go back on
my promise... never!!! If she really loves me for accepting
her for who she is... she can change. I know she can. I
believe in her. I changed my life. I'm going to make up for
all the things I put my family through when I used to
refuse to go to school. I can be happy with this girl. In
fact, although a few of my feelings go against it now, I
want....just her.
I ruin my chances of being happy by changing my mind
at the last minute and then I regret doing it later on. But
not this time. I'm going to grow up finally. I'm going to
be a man soon and I need someone to be with. haha oh man...
I just want to drive to burger king with her and have
something to eat... and stare into those eyes.. :) And what
guy wouldn't like to have good sex?? lol well, thats not
what a relationship is based on. Honesty, trust, and love.
Those three are probably the strongest foundations of being
with someone special. Being handsome or like sexy is just a
part of it that really doesn't matter if you follow your
heart! (but it helps with bonding!) ;)
Its raining outside finally. So I could probably get
some good work outs done tonight! My abs and arms are
burning so I'm thrilled about it! ::sighs:: My dream when I
was 13 is only half finished... But my new dream has been
realized. I found true love thats almost invisible to most
people without an eye for it. Inner beauty is the most
wonderful thing in the world. Wow.. lots of wind outside..
I'm leaving now. I want be out there with it.