mAscaRA_maScARAde

Katie's Dark Room
2003-12-08 22:33:55 (UTC)

Introduction

12-8-02

Today I think it is finally starting to hit me that I
probably wont have Cole in my life anymore. But I guess I
should tell you went down first so you have a little more
understanding. I met this guy- Cole- at a Halloween rave i
went to and it was so weird because we just hit it off. We
clicked, everything was awesome. We spent the whole night
talking and yes....kisssing. He is an amazing kisser. And
the thing that stuck with me the most was how sweet and
compassionate he was. He always was looking after me and
making sure i was comfortable. One example, we went to get
some water and he was talking to the lady behind the
counter and said to her "See this girl right here, give
her anything she wants." Holy crap i almost died. He was
so sweet. So that night was over and he called me when i
got home just to make sure i got home ok and then he wanted
to come down on the next day, sunday, and take me out. By
the way Cole lives in SLC. Yea so that was great. We went
to a movie and after sat out in the parking lot talking for
like 2 hours until i told him i needed to go home because i
had to go to school the next day. So it just so happened
we each had seperate plans to go to another rave the next
weekend so we worked it out so we would go together and i
would spend the night at his house. It was the freakin
best night of my life. It was perfect. I got to meet his
friends and i love them all. They were so awesome. Maybe
that is why i am having such a hard time with this is
because i am so in love with his friends and not him.....
but anyway, we just kept in contact and i would skip
school like a couple of times a week to go down there and
see him and spend the day with him. And we would kiss and
make out and come close to having sex but we never did. He
was always the one who was like no we cant It just screws
things up blah blah, and i was like PPPPLLLEEEAAASSEEE! Oh
side note....When we were at the party we met at i told him
i didnt drink or do drugs and he was so amazed and he kept
saying that i was the most non judgemental girl he had ever
met and that it was so awesome. so anyway yea we didnt
have sex until like a month after we had been together.
And oh my hell it was so good. I have never had better.
But after that things seemed to just go downhill. He
started taking me for granted. And you know the flame was
dying. Then the weirdest thing happened, he stopped
answering my calls. He would answer them every once in a
while but not very often so i was like screw you and I
would try to stop calling him but i couldnt i was too
attached. So this weekend(here is the real story) me and
my friend meghann wanted to go to a party or hang out with
some guys. Meghann was like call cole call cole! But i
really didnt want to because i was on strike, but after we
couldnt find anything to do i was like ok. So i called him
from my house and he wouldnt answer like 4 times. So
meghann was like come over here and we will see if he
answers from my house and the bastard did. and we talked
for a while and i was like well can me and meghann come
down and see you and he was like sure i will call you when
i get to c.j.'s house. So he never called and he never
called so me and meghann just went down there. And when we
got down there we tried to call him and he wouldnt answer
his phone so we were like maybe he doesnt have it, maybe it
is dead, you know. So after the 10th time meghann was like
we are going over there. I was so scared i didnt want to.
I just didnt want to start a fight, but we did. So we got
over there and walked in to find them playing video games
and he wouldnt even look at me let alone say hi to me. And
the first thing i noticed when i walked in was his phone
sitting on the cofee table right next to him. C.j. was
laying on the couch by him and was like nudging him and was
like cole katie is here. And finally then he looked up and
said hi. So everyone was over there and being super lame
and not talking so meghann was like well were going to go
and right then coles phone rang and he was talking on it
when we were walking out and was like WAIT WAIt and we just
left. So on the way home i called him and was like hey
whats up what are you doing, and then meghann was like
katie stop being nice and start being a bitch. And i was
like you know what cole i am really pissed at you right
now. I come down there to see you and you cant say hi to
me or talk to me. YOu know i would be more mad at you if
you led me on then if you told me straight up you didnt
want me around anymore. and he was all no no that isnt it
but i am going to have to call you back my phone is dying.
and i was told him yea right cole you probably wont call me
back, just like all the other times you said that. And he
was like bye and i hung up. I was so pissed. And i wasnt
like sad and heartbroken just pissed. I feel so stupid for
putting my heart out on the line and then have him just use
it to wipe his ass with. I am so done with him. I dont
even know if i will answer the phone if he calls me. I
mean as much as he means to me and how much i want to be
with him i dont know if i can ever feel the same way and
not hold it against him. But i dont even think he will
call anyway. Why is it that i am attracted and get guys
that treat me like crap? honestly and all the nice guys
arent what you want. I know there is better but what if he
doesnt want me?? I know i deserve better but what if there
isnt better????




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