TonightIllDie

TonightIllDie
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2003-12-08 12:48:06 (UTC)

Ticking Clocks

The beeping of an alarm woke me to winter's dark cold
morning. 6:05...a time that has become all to fimilar to me
on Monday mornings. I struck the clock twice trying to keep
it quiet so as not to tear me away from the fiction I live
during the night's late hours. Those world's are my only
refuge from the heartache that only consciousness can send
upon me. In dreams I 'love' those my heart wishes for, but
the alarm, like a conspiracy on my mind, tore me away all to
soon to force me into reality for some 12 odd hours until
I'm granted sleep again.

The day has it's own moments that can compare to nothing but
my fictions. Moments when I can get lost in friends and
moments where I can be lost in the warmth of some's eyes.
Some moments parallel my finest nights. These times in the
day's disaster bring forth my "sister" and the one she cares
about. Two people I care for maybe more than any other in
the living nightmare we call "school", though they may or
may not know it.

My life is one of two things depending on certain events
that bring it to such. I could be as open as the greenst
pasture or closed off from the wreches of this world as
though I had a lock on my heart. My 'LOVE' still beats for
some hanging on to the simple fact that I'm a
hopeless-romantic, but they won't know that. I've lost
people I've cared far to much for to their ownselves. They
were, as some still are, lost in what some would call
sorrow, pain, stress, or fear. Things I understand all to
well. If this is the life I lead then so be it. I would have
liked to known earlier but sometimes lady luck deals a harsh
hand.

So today I'll make it through only by the grace of God and
my friends, some true and others disgustingly fake. The
family I have outside of a house are all there to pick me up
each day and I love them for it.

...I still miss you...
"Do you think it hurts much to die?"

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