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2003-12-08 04:52:20 (UTC)

just because

Tonite is just one of those nites where I have so many
things going through my head. I was off today, which was
great. I went to the movies in Macon and saw HONEY. It was
sooo stupid, but at the same time.....MY man was in it.
HMMM....Mekhi Phifer......so damn fine! But anyway, that
was the only thing I did today. I just chilled and I got a
chance to sleep in later than 9. Man, I'm sooo bored. This
whole being between quarters is getting to me. I'm just
ready to get over this hump. Its not so much being in
M'ville that is boring me. Personally, any place can be
boring.....the only reason M'ville is boring to me is
because I don't have any friends here. I mean, I have
constant people....like Faris....then there is Kissy. BUT
friends.......I really miss Jennifer and Glynn....Tameika,
Alexis...Bobby and "T". I miss having people to talk to
about any and everything. Its not so much having places to
go.....just having people to chill with....I miss that. Oh
well though.....I'll be alright. Lately, I've just been
settling w/ people that I know I could very well do w/out.
This past Friday, Delilah was home. I went out to eat w/
her. It was just something to do. Everytime I'm around her
now I remember why our friendship didn't work out. She is
definitely CAROLINE.....roses really smell like boo-boo!
My gosh......there's no reason to be like that! I know I
have my days when I can be a little.....snootie(is that a
word??) But DAMN! Don't wake up and go to sleep like that.
Being around her just puts me in a defensive mood. Like,
she is so damn spiteful and I just feel like she is really
scum-ie. I have no respect for that bit.....I really
don't. Now, I'll go out w/ her and trip out....only
because its something to do and that's the only reason
why. I know one day things will come to the light and I
swear, I might catch a charge when it does. My intutition
has never lied to me.
Another subject.......me and Bryan are over now. I guess.
I told him that me and him were pointless because I didn't
feel like it was going anywhere. Now, I miss him. It could
be for all the wrong reasons, but I wish he was here right
now. Man, I really did like him. Even though I tried to
play it like I didn't....I really did. I guess not wanting
to be hurt was a big factor in why I was frontin'. I know
he knew that I was frontin though. Man, I miss him. He got
on my nerves a lot, but kissing him and him touching
me.....I wish he was here. I already know the deal when he
comes back. We will probably get back together but its
going to be the same old b-s......but as long as the
lovin' is still good....I don't care! Its on and poppin'!
Let me see what else is going on......I talked to Kellen
today! Dang, I thought I would never hear his voice again.
I don't know why he was acting shady towards me, but I
emailed him and told him that I missed him and I sent him
a text message and said the same thing. I miss him for
real. I miss talking to him. I just realized that there
are a lot of people that I blow off when I really
shouldn't. I keep holding on to memories of things that
happened w/ what I like to call the Old folks......I gotta
let that go. Those people don't care anything about me, so
I can't hold on to them anymore. All these new people
deserve the same chance to make memories w/ me....or me
make memories w/ them. Like, Daniel.......everytime I take
a trip to Atlanta, I knew I should have called him and
chilled w/ him....but no, I was focused on seeing the Old
folks or people who aren't worth the time of day. Next
time I go to Atlanta, I might spend a nite or two w/ him.
I've been thinking about Jon lately. He hasn't called or
written me.I think he may not want to because of the
things I asked him in the last letter I wrote him. I know
he looks out for me because he considers me something
similar to a sister, but that should fuel him even more to
tell me the truth. If I find out any other way, then I
can't say that I will come out of it being his friend.
Holding info. like that can get you murked....for real!

Well, I think I'm about to hit the sheets....I got a
straight 6 day work week ahead of me. GIVE ME STRENGTH.