2003-12-06 07:02:56 (UTC)

you can call me crazy.

but i think youre as lazy as white paint on a wall....

blah blah blah.

that was kinda fun i guess.. i had a good day at work, i
made a mess, i caulked 7 foot letters for galleria, and i
painted with rainbow paints and it wasnt bad. plus we got
paid and i forgot about that so.

why does he have to start shit. why did he even have to
call me. now im a fucking whore because i didnt answer the
phone. i dont even care.

after work i took a shower and caroline came over and that
was nice except that she couldnt stay long, but its never
long enough and i am happy for when she has time. she works
too much, shes so tired, we took a nap and she fell asleep
so fast, i used to always fall asleep first and she would
be awake still staring at the ceiling or whatever. but i
kept closing her eyes and then she was out, snoring hehe.
but then she had to go. and she was really weird about me
going over to matt and ryan's house. it was cute but i
felt kinda bad she was all worried and weird. i probably
wouldnt have gone with her being that weird about it, if
she wasnt going out with the whore tonight. but it wasnt
bad, we played games and talked and drank. and then i got
really tired, i was pretty drunk and i felt the words about
to come pouring out my mouth, because they were like "why
are you so worried about getting home and calling her" and
ryan was like "it's sweet that she cares that much" and i
really dont want everyone at work knowing my business,
especially danelle, and i was starting to get kind of
worked up in my mind, so i came home.

i have to say over and over that things will work out how
they should. because i want so much for her to live with
david but i dont think she will even though she probably
wants to and would be happier. and if she did and got rid
of the bitch, matt would be gone no problem, as far as i
care he may as well be right now. but i dont know. if she
doesnt do anything by july and i leave. is that it? i
mean. i guess so. its just a weird thing, thinking about
leaving someone i love and want to be with, but its like
thats stupid when shes not leaving her anyway. nothing
holds me back or changes the way i make decisions more than

all i know is i wanted her to stay. even more than usual.
i wanted her to stay all night and i wanted to do things i
just cant do. or even just lay like that while she slept
all night, i dont care. and i get so mad and hurt and sad
when she has to leave and, i dont mean to be cocky, but i
think its stubborness or practicality or something that
makes her go, not cus she wants to.

im still a little drunk and i cant keep track of where my
thoughts are going anymore. im guna go to bed.