Just Another Day In Paradise
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2003-12-06 04:59:00 (UTC)


What an amazing week...both heartbreaking and
strengthening...I realized that sometimes no matter how
much you love someone you must let them go and pray that
they return to hurts to know that not talking has
become something typical to her...I talked to someone today
and she told me that my best friend says this happens all
the time and we'll be talking again in a few eyes
filled with tears as I told her that may not happen this
time...I'd rather bow out gracefully then have a continuous
struggle each week to be chosen. I figure this way it will
be easier....I'm not sure for who..what an amazing bump in
the road for a long time friendship...I still love her with
all my heart and I know that in the long run we'll be
friends...but I don't want to do this anymore. She'll
admit that she asked me to do what I did but I knew I
shouldn't own mental slap on the hand for doing
something for a friend when she asked me to do it out of
anger. Nothing can be more painful than the experience at
that concert....being treated as if I wasn't standing right saw her's so much more painful
separating yourself from someone when you risk losing
family....I must say I haven't thought about it as
much...stay busy...keep my mind full and have no room for
hurt. I knew eventually something would change...isn't it
amazing that in all this drama of people it's the "best
friends" that never make it? Isn't amazing that the people
there from the beginning eventually disappear under the
remorse of those responsible for drama?~It's Always Hard to
Say Goodbye~
You can't imagine how alone it feels to not know where to
go anymore. week will be rough...7 months on Tuesday! :) and
he can't come home this weekend...I think it will still be
a good day...there's a wrestling tournament tomorrow and
two parades this weekend it will be very busy! Which is
really good b/c a few minutes of sitting still and I will
be overwhelmed in thoughts! Maybe over Christmas break
open wounds will heal...I'm not sure I want the added
family time that the break will allow...she's falling to
pieces allowing herself to become a 17 year old mess that's
letting go of everything she's worked so hard for...I dunno
what to do...the pain is double for the ones that love us
most...Mommy's surgery was postponed :( she's been waiting
so long and the tumor only grows, hopefully next week she
will be able to have the surgery...Daddy's sick and has
been home for the past two days and Jason is in Orlando
getting ready to put his heart into his game...there's a
good chance that he won't be home for Christmas....I never
imagined it without actually snowed in
Maryland...he's so lucky.. Man, when I think about it a lot
has gone wrong this week...I guess it's just how you deal
with hard times that determines the degree of sadness.

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