listen to my silences
2003-12-06 01:39:39 (UTC)

trapeze artist

just some random thoughts that occurred to me on what i
lovingly refer to as my crisis night that i had a week or
so ago...

when i locked you out, i locked in me.

please just keep throwing things in my face of how i don't
belong with you all either.

i don't care if you can't sleep. you all kept me awake way
too many times.

i want a choice. our choices make us who we are. what if
we aren't given one? or is it that we just don't take it?
no, there are times when there is no choice. this is one
of those.

one hundred eighty-six dollars and seventy-four cents for a

you've never been here for me since him. that's why i
can't come to you now. not that you want me to. i don't
know if you ever really cared.

do you have a key that you don't know where it goes? maybe
it's mine. i seem to have misplaced it.

how i feel doesn't matter. so it all goes in my box. my
box swallows light. it just goes in and *gulp* nothing.
it's all gone. just like everything else in the box.

final thought: they tell me: even if the key is lost or
thrown away it can still be found. i tell them: maybe i'll
just lose it again. on purpose.