Uncovered004

~Excerpts from Insanity~
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2003-12-05 06:56:31 (UTC)

Maybe i like the drama.....

..ever feel like you're sad, but that the saddness has
been searched for. its like you just cant let go of one
thing, and so u keep obsessing, well not obsessing, but it
just keeps coming back into your mind, and u find yourself
listening to songs looking for something that will relate
to this feeling and arent satisfied when you dont find it--
but in reality, you shouldnt be looking for the pain and
hurt. you should be content and happy that its not there.
but then maybe you appreciate that pain, if you dont like
it, since it means you've lived, that u are living. that
with the pain came an experience, and if it wasnt there
then none of it would have ever existed, so by re-living
it you re-live everything. the pain reminds you of what
you've had-- with the bad comes a lot of good and
memories. even if you've gotten over it and moved on a
LONG time ago, do u find youself ever doing this?? seeking
that same pain to come back. its not like the original
pain, its more subtle, since you arent wounded anymore,
youre put yourself completely together again. its just a
dull throb that re-enters for a brief moment. its like re-
remembering how much you were hurt, but not the actual
pain itself so more. but if you hadnt been thinking about
it, or let the thoughts deveolp when they did start, then
you are fine. more than fine-- you are you again, you've
come to terms with whatever and its over, no regrets...so
then why??....its true about the no regrets part though.
it really is tough to not play the "what if" game and play
out scenes of what is now the inevitable, but its no use
to make wishes to change the past. its the one thing that
is concrete. the past cant even be changed, so you might
as well accept it and realize that maybe everything that
went wrong happened for a reason. maybe it helped you to
appreciate everything that went right. or if not, if it
makes you want more of that good and less of the other
stuff, then maybe you went through it so that way, in the
future, you'll have something better, if not because of
it, then because you can contrast it. whatever your own
reasoning, never regret your life. repent, yes, certain
areas youll realize you majorly fucked up, but it only
means youre human and if you realize this, take something
from it and feel bad for it, ask forgiveness, then there
is no reason to regert anymore. and dont be afraid. i cant
belive how many people hide themselves from the world in a
facade of what they think people expect them to be-- but
if you face the world saying take it or leave it, i am
what i am, youll get a much better raaction than if you
cover yourself up. people like you to be real and true.
and no lie, the real you is soo much better than that fake
front. anyways.....dont know what brought this
about...maybe a whole bunch of stuff....


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