2003-12-03 22:02:10 (UTC)


Daddy, I have had to kill you. You died before I had time...
I never could talk to you.. the brute, brute heart of a
brute like you...But no less a devil for that, no not any
less the black man who bit my pretty red heart in two. I
was ten when they buried you. At twenty I tried to die,
and get back back back to you. I thought even the bones
would do. But they pulled me out of the sack, and they
stuck me together with glue. And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you, a man in black with a Meinkamph look
and a love of the rack and the screw. And I said I do, I
do. So daddy, I'm finally though. If I've killed one man,
I've killed two. The vampire who said he was you, and drank
my blood for a year, seven years if you want to know, Daddy
you can lie back now. There's a stake in your fat black
heart, and the villagers never liked you. They are dancing
and stamping on you. They always knew it was you. Daddy,
daddy, you bastard, I'm through.


he's in surgery right now. my mother called me 30 minutes
after I got to work and told me they were on the way to the
hospital. he was in er all day and now he's in surgery.
we won't know anything for a couple hours but they dont
know if he can handle surgery but they have to try and if
he makes it out, everything will start failing, like his
liver and on and on...

i dont know what to say or think or do right now.

i thought of praying but i honestly dont know what i should
pray for.

but i dont want to have regrets my whole life.

so im getting drunk.

and i keep saying that no matter what happens, we will be
okay. my mom and me. and the rest of my family. because
all this fucked up miserable bullshit we've lived through
for years and years has to be happening for some reason...
i see much happier things ahead and we'll appreciate them
more than most people because of it. but i may be wrong,
it may only get worse or at least not better. so im
getting drunk.