Jana

Jana
2003-12-03 21:48:24 (UTC)

Skipping out

I don't know what I'm doing sometimes. I don't think
straight. I just do what i want, and don't even consider
the consequences sometimes. it's like it just doesn't
matter. it's a 'who cares.' i woke up this morning and
my car door wouldn't close for some stupid reason, so my
dad wouldn't let me drive to school, so i called lauren
for a ride. so, lauren and i decided to skip first
period. we were gonna go back, i swear. and so, we're
riding around, smoking some pot..which i told my
girlfriend i quit..ughh..im going to. but anyway..then
matt called and he ended up sleeping in, so we go get
him. then, since it was kinda late to go in for tardy, we
decided just to do a half day, which eventually turned
into a full day of being absent. sooo, we went to the
clinic to get doctor notes, and i had to take a pregnancy
test, when i've never even had sex. lol. oh well.
whatever. so yeah, after doing nothing productive today,
i get to stay home all night by the phone and pray that i
answer when the school calls saying i was absent. that
would suck if mom or dad got it. why do i even torture
myself and put unwanted stress on myself? i mean, im
missing a lot of work at school to. but why? because im
a loser and am lazy. why would anyone want me? i mean, i
have this amazing girl who i care about very much. I feel
like if she knew some of these things about me she'd be so
disappointed in me. i want to be good for her. i want to
be good for myself..but its thats one hump i just keep
having trouble getting over. i start, but then just roll
back down to where i started. i dunno what to do. i want
to be honest, but my fear of losing her out weighs the
honesty. i feel like a coward.




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