shyflowerg

shyflower
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2003-12-03 15:06:52 (UTC)

Early sensations

12/2/2003

This is the beginning of my diary. Actually, it is within 2
weeks from my first encounter with the Dom who approached me
in regards the Dom/sub lifestyle. My initial response to
that Dom was that I knew nothing about Dom/sub lifetyle, but
was willing to hear something about it. So we IM'ed for
awhile and, although I was intrigued, I had no intention to
allow him to see that I was. I basically brushed him off
and suggestd that we might talk abut the lifestyle at
another time...clearly thinking to myself that I would not
see this guy again. But within myself I felt the intrigue.
Anytime I get intrigued about something, I have a tendency
to read and discover more about the subject. I began to
read articles and boards on the web.


As I read articles... I found myself more intrigued. And, I
found myself relating and recognized myself in some of the
articls and stories. This increased my interest, and I read
more.

After a couple days of reading about the lifestyle, I found
myself wanting to ask questions of this Dom. So...it was I
who contacted him this time, and to contact him felt so very
comfortable. I enjoyed from the first conversation how he
refered to me as "lil one" and 'pet". They were strange and
delightful expression to my psyche full of a soothing and
comfortable well being. Still, even in the second
conversation with him, I had no intention of revealing this
satisfaction in his presence.

The Dom and I have chatted a few times on IM and he has
answered all my questions. We have played. The first time
that we played when he told me to take off my top and reveal
myself, I felt a tinge of excitement at being ordered to do
so. But, I also needed to resist; indeed, it seemed that I
could not not resist. I felt suspended between wanting to
obey and wanting to resist. I asked more questions...and
then came down on the side of obedience and removed
unbuttoned my shirt. It was a thrill to obey. And I
realized at that point, that to resist was going to be
folly. So in my mind, I said, "Ok.. we will turn this into
a role playing game and I will do as told" only for the
purpose of good cyber sex play. It was a very arousal
sexual release.

I kept reading and kept questioning and kept experiencing
feeling that i didn't know were there. Everytime I sent am
IM question to the Dom he would contact me later in the day
and answer...then we would end up playing. The
rememberance of this arouses me now as I relate this to my
diary.

The third encounter, the Dom told me that from that point on
I would address him as 'Sir'! My immediate response was I
was dumb struck! This seemed to be a moment of
truth...which sie was I going to come down on: was I going
to go into obedience or was I going to turn and walk away?
I stayed in my quiet stupor for a moment and said nothing.
The Dom said, "the correct response is 'yes sir'". Still, I
said nothing..trying to quiet the turmoil going on inside me
and trying to make a decision. Then the Dom said, "I guess
you are not here, you must have gotten booted. I will come
back later". No!! suddenly I realized that I couldn't let
him go. I immediately answered, "no, I am here!" amd I knew
that in that instant I had made my decision. The rest of
our chat that evening required a struggle for me to use the
terms ordered. But I asked him if I could use any other
term other than 'sir' for that term really was difficult for
me. He informed me that I could use either 'sire' or
'master' then. I chose master.

That evening, the Dom requestd that I get some clothes pins
since I didn't have breast clamps. I was again
stunned...Did I really want to gt into this? And as I
thought about the clothes pins during the night and the next
day, I found myself very aroused. I bought the clothespins,
but ones that are soft and meant to be for delicate items.
By the evening of this day, I was more comfortable in
addressing the Dom as 'Master'. Indeed, addressing him as
'Master' started to create an arousal for me.

That evening, when Master came on line, I had many
questions. Thank goodness I found a website that lists
questions to ask the DOM. Reading those questions gave me
couarge and supported my need to know what the rules and
conditions are. Master answered my questions with no
unnecessary words. He cautioned me to take my time in
making any decisions towards him or the lifestyle. And
Master did warn me that if I made the decision to embrace
him as my 'Master', he would expect total obedience and
nothing else from me. This erected a 'stop' for me and I
agreed that I would take my time and read more. I also
informed him that when I commit to something, I stay
committed fully.

After the discussion, Master orderd me to uncover. He then
instructed me to purchase clothespins for the next
encounter. I informed him that I had done so this day
becasue I understood that to be his request the day before.
He smiled! and told me to get them. I felt fearful at
using them...I don't like pain and I informed Master of my
fear and apprehension. His response of "Master won't hurt
the girl" provided comfort and allowed me to trust him. He
instructed me in the art of clamping my nipples and my clit.
But something came up on his side which needed him to go
soon after I did the clamping. He told me I could remove
the clamps when I wanted since he had to go. I waited about
5 mins and removed them. I was astounded at how very wet I
was as to the point that the wetness was draining from my pussy.

I have not talked to Master since as I wanted to avoid him
yesterday (12/2/03). I now don't know what to do. I have
been reading more and have more questions. Like; "what does
he mean by total obedience?...is this in all areas of my
life or only in the area of sexual play on line?", "what did
he mean in saying that our actions will go as far as I want
them to go if he is in control? Does this mean that I
maintain come control? If so, what?"

But now I am in a little turmoil. Will Master contact me or
is it required that I contact him? It seems to me that if I
am to be there at his pleasure, then he should do the
contacting... but maybe I am getting too far ahead of myself
here. Maybe I need more training before I could even decide
to answer a simple question.

But I do intend to ask Master this question: To him, is this
a spiritual journey or is it for sexual arousal only. The
sexual arousal only scene seems so much easier to me for it
would require less personal involvement. But...do I want
more? and if I do...will Master provide more?


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