Misty911

smashed by a giant lawn knome
2003-12-03 05:20:23 (UTC)

I'd Rather Waste Some Time With You..


Tim:
Misty: god im sdepressed again
Tim: hommme
Misty: i mean im not
Misty: but i am
Tim: me too
Misty: =
Misty: like im happy
Misty: and things are actualyl goin well
Misty: but theres always that feeling
Misty: and im sure you knwo what im talkign about
Tim: i know whatcha mean
Misty: cuz i think we feel the same..
Tim: but fer me, lol, everythings goig wrong
Misty: oh
Misty: lol
Tim: going*
Misty: why?
Tim: yeah, lol, terribly
Misty: what happened
Tim: everything but work is going down hill
Misty: explain
Tim: i donnnnno, lol, school, im doing terribbbbly, i dont
try enuf, im failing advanced algebra, and chem, and other
classes i struggle in, i need a fucking girl, i get
depressed on and offf, i just fucked my computer upstairs
worse then ever, lol, no chance of getting it back, um, not
enuf cash for a car, haven't snowboarded in weeks, snow
will prob depress me anyways
Misty: why would snow depress u?
Tim: i donno, it dampens my spirit, i mean, don't get me
wrong i like it, but then its cold, and i feel trapped cuz
i can't go out into the warm sun and do anything, snow
restricts me
Misty: tim
Tim: yes
Misty: i love you
Tim: thanx, i love you too, i just wish i could be with
you...
Tim: baaadly
Misty: do you knwo how much easier things would be? why
didnt we see it..
Tim: i donno, i mean, i guess i sorta saw it, i like
freaked when i first heard about how u could be moving,
lol...
Misty: i did too
Misty: and it sucks
Misty: so much
Misty: so so much
Misty: but i thought you connected with brenda way more
then you did with me
Tim's status is now "Available" (12/2/2003 10:49 PM)
Tim: eh no, i think by then everythign was really bottled
up and ready to burst, as far as how i felt, and im feeling
that withdraw now, should i go into an example?
Misty: go ahead, im listening to everything you say, i
always do
Tim: well, its like, i look at girls, and i wonder, do i
want a relationship? and i say no, and i say yes, but i say
to myself, well, if i do have one, its gonna be weird with
these girls, cuz im not gonna wanna open up at all, i have
no intention of it whatsoever
Misty: why not? why dont you look atthem the same way as
somelone like me?
Tim: cuz they're not the same
Tim: most of them, to me, are selfish heartless bitches
Tim: and i've experenced that, lol
Misty: but.. i never went after you after we broke up, we
barely talked, b/c i thought you were so happy with brenda,
i was so happy for you
Tim: christy, i wanted to run back to you so much, but i
figured you'd find it weird, or i would "scare" you away
Tim: so badly i wanted to use our last time together, but i
just like, froze
Tim: and got stupid
Misty: im ready tto shoot.. just blow myself away
Misty: your not stupid
Misty: dont ever freakin say that
Tim: i got really close to cutting last week
Misty: dont
Tim: i thought fer sure i'd just grab a box cutter and do
it b/f i went to bed
Misty: im ready to but know itll lead to mroe shit
Tim: it kept running thro my mind
Misty: more
Tim: i know... i almost didnt intend on there possibly
being more
Misty: tim
Tim: but its so crazy, i hate that
Misty: you've gotta promise me
Misty: i know its so hard
Misty: but please
Misty: promise me
Misty: because if i lose you, i'd lose myself
Tim: it gets very hard christy
Tim: but people like you, you, run thro my mind
Misty: your telling me it gets hard
Tim: stop me
Tim: i know, its hard for you too
Misty: wehn i was typign that email i cried
Misty: i f**king miss you so much and im so young and so
powerless i cant do anything to help myself
Misty: i cant come back
Misty: and it tears me apart
Tim: it kills me too
Misty: and here come the tears
Tim: i've preyed for god just to take me back and let me
start that summer all over and over and over
Tim: and every damn time, i know its not gonna happen
Misty: im so sorry
Misty: im so sorry for being stupid
Tim: and running thro my mind, is walking away from linkin
park, walking with you, doing sumthig for the first time
Misty: im sorry for letting it go
Misty: i let it go
Tim: its okay christy, i understand, we both regret it, but
its the way it turned out, its what u felt you had to do
Tim: and your not stupid
Misty: its my f***in fault
Misty: wow, im bawling, this is the worst i've cried in
forever
Misty: --and running thro my mind, is walking away from
linkin park, walking with you, doing sumthig for the first
time--
Tim: its so frusterating, to have the same images run thro
my head
Misty: ive flashed back to that so many times
Tim: watching you play that show, feeling so proud as dumb
as that sounds, having butterflys that whole time, sitting
uncomfortable waiting for my first real date
Tim: not realizing what was ahead during the summer weeks
and months
Misty: i cant breathe
Tim: i'll be your breath
Misty: then you cant go
Tim: i won't
Misty: youcant leave me here
Tim: i'll stay for you
Misty: god i dont know what to do with myself
Tim: you and me both
Misty: that doesnt sound dumb, just makes me happier,
happier as in more depressed, but it feels so good
Misty: and it hurts so bad
Misty: i dont know if its good or bad, to feel like this
Misty: to think about things like that
Tim: i know, its great to connect on this, but then the
subject
Misty: ....
Tim: god i really miss you
Misty: i miss you too
Misty: i cant even..
Misty: if i just wouldnt have taken advantage of everything
Misty: of being there
Misty: just
Misty: everything
Tim: i wish i was more confident with myself, too afraid to
screw up was my problem, and i shoulda done so much more
with you
Misty: i was lazy
Tim: same here
Misty: fuck us
Misty: seriously
Misty: i regret it so much
Misty: the only thing i dont regret is everythign we did,
Misty: i just regret everything we didnt do
Tim: there was so much more we could have done
Tim: so much wasted time
Tim: join me
Tim: after highschool im taking a year off to work, unless
your going right to college
Misty: i promise you, that i'll remain in contact with you
forever
Misty: i swear to god
Misty: i will never let this go
Misty: i dont knwo what the hell im doing
Tim: don't, cuz i won't
Misty: probally going to school in denver
Tim: and we need eachother
Misty: i swear tim, i swear to god
Misty: i cant talk to anyone else like this, no one feels
the same
Tim: promise
Tim: cuz same here, i've never talked to anyone quite like
this
Tim: its just different, better, heartfelt
Misty: yeah, sincere even
Tim: i know i can always trust what you say, and trust your
listening to me, for real
Misty: every single word, every sylable, every whisper, and
every breath.
Tim: everything
Misty: but god i am sorry, i promise, when i come back,
we'll talk
Tim: yeah, that would be good, and time alone right?
Misty: no doubt
Misty: its 11:11...
Misty: ((and now you wanna talk. its not hard to dream
you'll always be my konstantine))
Tim: thoughts of you are burned into every song by the
ataris and by soco
Misty: thoguht of you are burned into everyone song... .
Tim: ...exactly
Tim: thoughts of you are burned into me
Misty: i coudlnt have said that better
Tim: remember, you always have a piece of my heart
Misty: i need sleep tim... i'll talk to you soon.. as always
Tim: okay christy
Tim: sleep well
Tim: have a good day tomarrow
Tim: iwy
Misty: you too, get some sleep, ... nite... IWY.
Tim: i will




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