purple star

Never once spoken
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2003-12-01 06:13:24 (UTC)

questions

how do you know that you have chosen the right path? in
every situation there comes a decision to be made. should
i stay or should i go? should i have expectations of
anything? should i have foreseen what would have
happened? do i see what would have happened? and if i see
it, and agree that the correct decision was made.... why do
i long for the other way? is it pure curiosity or is it an
emphatic obsession with what could have been? why do i
find myself longing for the past? when its not a past that
i am proud of.
i look back on the things i have done and what they meant
to my life and to the shaping of my character. i dont
understand what certain things taught me, however i have
learned. i try to look to the future while enjoying every
part of the now... but certain scenes from months/years ago
flash before my eyes. in my dreams and in my waking life.
i have certain strong beliefs but i am afraid that i
confuse them with my dreams. have i turned my dreams into
strong beliefs?
am i mistaking dreams, wants, desires for premonitions?
or vice versa. how can one be sure that what they are
feeling is really something of substance? these questions
are posed from a certain strong belief that i have. is
this belief substantial? i am afraid that it is and i am
afraid that its not. i remember something that someone
once told me: do not be afraid unless it is something
worth being afraid of. i didnt understand this at the
time. but i think i am discovering its meaning. why
should i be afraid of something this great? because of its
greatness?
i guess i will simply have to come to terms with the fact
that i am in love and i have no idea if he knows it or what
he feels. i will keep it inside me until the time comes to
project it. whether it be to him or to some other friend
or to my family. the time will come. and until that day,
i will continue to concentrate on bettering myself. i
guess i really am lucky... i have a love in my heart for a
person that is indescribable (both the love and the person)
and because of that my life is better. so whether or not i
am ever able to share that love with him, at least i have
the ability. some people dont.


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