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2003-11-30 07:40:24 (UTC)

a whiff of cigarette smokeon my..

a whiff of cigarette smokeon my fingers.
suddenly im 14 again.
in your room. sticky icecream fingers.
running through your long thick dark hair.
seeing forever in your eyes was never forced.
and you were so innocent.
pure and delicate.
and how nieve was i.
how was i to know youd be my heats focus for years and
years to come.
that homecomming.
you were dancing with that boy.
my stomach knotted and reknotted itself.
i would have killed myself for you.
but i could never give you that.
and your brother would lock me in his room.
pump me full of chemicals and feed me frozen dinners until
i passed out.
a lucky penny on your door.
and a keychain from the 99 bin at claires.
tell me now dear, how is your husband?
are you happy?
i hope so.
these fingers that now hit these keys.
were once intertwined in yours...
and i held you up.
i held you up.
so why did you let me fall.
if you werent going to help me up.

7 years later...

seven motherfucking years later.

enjoy your fucking marriage.
and your husband.
and kids.

maybe youll explain it to me one day.

ill do my best to forget you til then.