Claudia

once again
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2003-11-27 09:11:09 (UTC)

This is just life, I guess

Things are so funny the way that they work. Billy has
called my cell probably 2 or three times in the last week
and I haven't been around to answer it. I called him today
and he was busy at work so I know he'll not be there
tomorrow seeing how it's Thanksgiving. I wanted to talk to
him and hear his voice.

Billy is proabbaly one of the only righ thtings thatI"ve
done in the last 5 years. I should have never have let him
go. He was good and then when I realized that he was
friends with Tara and her now husband that scared the both
of us and we stopped talking to each other. I don't know
why and I think we both regret it. Sometimes when I would
see him I would feel like his sex slave but I know that its
only what both of us wanted from each other. We had a
perfect night more then just once and I loved it. So did
he. We never pursied anything and if we would've we would
still be together if not married I know it and so does he.
I don't know what we did. Maybe this is love real love that
we're supposed to loose before we find the true one. I
think he calls me to hear what he lost, but he says he
loves me and misses me all the time and I don't know if I
can hear that being so far away. Us being 1200 miles away
from each other will never bring anything good to either
one of us and I dont' want to go there and he can't come
here because of his son. William Volker, he's perfect in
the way a man should be.

I miss being with someone. I miss being cuddled and loved
and held and sleeping next to a warm body that you know
will be there tomorrow when you wake up. I just miss
waking up to someone period and when Billy and I woke up
together the few times we did it wa perfect and he told me
then and he'll tell me now.

It's Thanksgiving and Christmas will be here soon. I'm
lonely and I want some one that loves me. I hate being
alone, I've been alone too long.

I don't know I gues I"m rambling, I'm a little drunk and
left friends at one bar to go to another that wasn't so
crowded and then came home. I feel so horrible about it
but no one has a cell so I can't call anyone to let them
know thatI"m sorry.

Happy Thanksgiving and hopefully I won't be alone for too
much longer.


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