i_bleed_life

Hello Darkness my old friend.

I am so fucking sick of all the cliches out there. Dear
god, I'm still looking for something dirty, raw, and
harsh, and real. Something that's not tainted with media
and propaganda, or worse, delusional with self-
righteousness and the stench of some elitist subculture.

Indie-rock snobs, science and math geeks, sorority girls
and frat boys, hippies, goths, skaters, punks (though punk
is dead), teenagers, college students,
republicans, "independents", ravers, scenesters,
intellectuals...the whole thing makes me so fucking sick.
And wondering which category I fit into.

Mihi in odio est.

Everyone I meet has nothing new to say, just another copy
of a fucking copy, and I have absolutely no right to be
this jaded for someone who is not yet 20. Deliver me from
old age, from rolling over and exposing my soft belly to
the status quo, from the media-induced megalomania, from
ever becoming an indie-rock scenster, because I'm telling
you kids, that scene is so passe, and older than my
grandmother.

I admit it, I find it hilarious most of the time, cliches
and egocentrics and the like, and I love it, love it, love
it, like I can't explain. It's the world's greatest movie,
winning all the awards, breaking box office records...

Oh, I'm sorry, is my vanity showing?

Anyway, like I was saying, I love all of it. I love all
the hilarious contradictions, and those who are the
embodiment of all the stereotypes, and the lack of
individuality in it all. I'm just a little lonely
sometimes, with the "real-but-not-real"-ness of my
conversations lately and the "there-but-not-there"
detatchment of realizing that I'm a part of the crowd, and
still never feeling like a member. Jesus, I annoy the hell
out of myself.

I don't know where I was going with this. I don't know
what I was trying to say. There's not enough time, there's
not enough time for it all.

I wonder which cliche I fit.