Amnesia

dude
2003-11-24 01:12:32 (UTC)

I'm baaack!!!

And better then ever. I started finally doing what I was
gonna do on the whole trip which was to soul search and
find out stuff about who I wanna be and what direction to
go into. So I started thinking about that during the last 2
hours of the 10 hour flight. (The second one.)

I realized that living with my parents will not be all that
bad. I can stay with them. I just told them that. The only
reasons I really had for wanting to leave were so I can
have more freedom. So I think we established a connection.
I told them I want them to know where I am, where I'm
going, with who, and when I'll be back, and to understand
some things like me staying over at a friends house when
it's just more convenient to do so. I want them to know my
friends. Know their addresses and numbers.

I want to be able to stay. Especially since living is
expensive, and I'm backing out of massage therapy. I want
to do the road trip in december more then ever. I just want
to live life. Stop planning for what is expected to be a
better life, and just have "a life." I've gone on too long
planning in vain. I need to just do something with whatever
I have and I will get somewhere then. Because I will start
moving. I won't think about it being supposobaly uncool to
live with your parents at 20. When the time comes I'll move
out. Besides, my mom cried when I left, when I came back,
and everywhere in between. I really can't just kinda leave.
Besides, I would be kinda lonely.

Do wanna travel and travel much though. I realized that I
don't need to have all that much to be happy. Don't need
the fashion. I really wasn't all that fashioneable, but I
had a plan to be so in the back of my head. Now I'm
thinking, I can do my own clothes like I wanted to in my
spare time but I don't need to. As long as they fit and
their right for an occasion it will be fine.

It was 2 hours of revelations. I might go to photography
class at Wright after the road trip. One more way of my dad
approving of the trip. I must get job.

And there is the dilema. Or was. I can get a job, and
enough money whenever I need. I want to and will establish
a seady, full time job somewhere, with benefits. (Prabobly
Walgreens they're hiring polish speakers in the polish
neighborhood and my bro is already going for an interview.)
If they give me time off for the road trip, and concider me
for any position at all, it would be ideal. That's the
plan. Get a normal steady job with benefits and take enough
time off every now and then to enjoy life. Do photogrophy
on the side, along with theatre and video, and all in good
time will come columbia.

That almost sounds like a plan. It's not. It's a hope
kinda. It's more of a thought. A revelation. A little
breakthrough.

My parents missed me, my hair is now red, I got gifts for
everyone, yes you too Teresa. Ofcourse, you were first on
the list. Now I just gotta mail, which I will. And I'll
stop slacking off to do so too. I've got 365 emails. Still
haven't seen Arthur. He's still working. Oh, and I realized
that I want to make film.

-Me


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