2003-11-21 23:58:55 (UTC)

my tear ducts are too tired and my mind is disconnected

but my heart is wired..

god i love ani. what a day.

im so tired. i really expected to be there a few hours and
be done but i ended up working from 715 til almost 5. but
caroline came to get her check and helped me and then we
went to dinner so that was nice. except she made some
comment that made me want to shoot myself in the head but
next time i just wont ask.

and now im going to go see ashley and get my license. and
she has pictures!! yay. i should have fixed her scanner
for her when i was there.

I have to write this paper, clean, do laundry, make CDs and
get everything ready for Tuesday. and study psych. i
should be getting an A in that class but i've been lazy
because the teachers boring. i need to get myself together.

im upset cus dawn'll be here next week and i wont see her.
that sucks. but maybe i can go up there sometime soon.

my check wasnt as big as i expected, what with all the
money for my car and stuf. in fact i really dont have much
money right now at all and its kinda bugging me. i dont
like to have to worry about it. im guna be so rich one
day. and i'll spoil my girlfriend and spoil my daughter
and never have to worry about that, cus money is stupid.

i feel like every feeling i ever have i have to or do just
push aside for some reason or other and im sure that cant
be healthy, and probably the reason i explode once in
awhile and act all nutty. but its sad how numb we get
because we dont or cant express our feelings in entireity.
or if i do im not taken seriously.

sometimes i feel like the only thing to do is to try to
make things work with him. because it would be easy right
now, he's making all the effort. which is so typical of
me, so typical of us, we're never in the same place at the
same time. i could be wrong, it could be a game. but he
doesnt say i love you and he doesnt act like this, its just
not the way it works, and its unsettling. i dont know. i
need to love and be loved and i really think itd be best to
do this with someone who isnt living with someone else.
but i never want whats easy. and all i want is her.

i am walking out in the rain
and i am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
and i am getting nowhere with you
and i can't let it go and i can't get through...

and in each other's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all

and both hands now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
i am writing graffiti on your body
i am drawing the story of how hard we tried..