Nick's Journal
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2003-11-18 22:35:20 (UTC)

I'm bad with humans

i'll be the first to admit that i'm horrendous at social
interaction. be it witty banter, fluid comebacks, or just
a simple "hello". i'm horrible. the ironic thing of
course is that i brood over all of my social encounters
after they occur, you'd think that i'd be comfortable with
my inability to come up with an "on the spot" joke. but
no, no, i brood. like today i think i fucked up
two "passing social interactions", you know those? the
people you know that are nice enough to aknowledge your
existence, but you're too stooped in your own "great"
thoughts to really interact right?
i barely got in a late hello passing in through a door
today, and i felt pretty bad about that cos it was such a
cool hello. you know how most people you know kinda give
you a half-hearted, "hello"? well it's the exuberant
kind, and i brooded for a while as to whether or not i
responded with enough aptitude.
then i'm at food lion and i forego a "stop and talk" (yes
i took it from curb your enthusiasm), i'm so bad at
deciphering when those are appropriate! seriously, i
alwasy think that people say hi to me, to get me to go
away....neurotic i know. anyhow, i never stop and engage
in that sorta talk, mainly cos i know i'd fuck it up even
more than just not entering into it.
wow, i am severely neurotic about the little aspects of my
days. but i just want to be a nice guy, i hate not
getting a "hi" response when i say hi, i always gloss it
over by thinking that the person that didn't respond is
probably just a no good child-rapist anyhow.
on a side note, i did something stupid today (surprise!).
see juliann has this coffee maker box that had a sticker
on it that said, "black, noir, negro", i scratched it off
and put it on my fleece while jamie was going to get dan.
so there i am car-dancing to outkast when this black girl
comes very close to my car and throws a very disapproving
look first i thought it was cos i hipped
instead of hopped to the beat but then i realized that i
implied that i condoned using the sacrilegious
word, "nigger". whoops. shit. but i don't. i mean i
completely understand the problem with it, but at the same
time i think it's kinda fanatical how so much emphasis is
placed on a fucking word. come the fuck on. i
mean....reperations? nice! off the hook.