sweetaddiction

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2003-11-18 05:39:16 (UTC)

i think the well cultured..

i think the well cultured people if you will, reach a
point in life, where youre just so fucking disgusted with
hummanity as a whole, the utter fucking ignorance that
surrounds you, and the insensitive fucking BULLSHIT that
IS person to person relationships, that there is nothing
to do but fucking laugh.

laugh like a fucking mad(wo)man. laugh because the only
other option is crying, and that act in itself has become
meaningless.

ranting and raving about how fucked up your life has been -
it gets old. quicker at times than others.

making halfassed attempts to salvage any sort of fucking
sanity left in your abused fucking heart/mind/soul.

that gets tired as well.

fucking laugh.

fucking laugh man. fucking laugh.

there is nothing you can fucking do to make the past
change, and maybe the same could be said for the future.

you dont have control.

you will never fucking have control.

get over it.

absorb yourself in the few and ohsofar between moments of
joy that you can find for yourself.

dive deeply and never fucking come up for air.

the problem lies in making those moments feel real, i
think. making those the only ones that get you. that you
feel.
forcing yourself to look around in that situation and
remember.remember.
remember every fucking word, look, touch.
REMEMBER.
because tomorrow, promises you nothing.

i think my largest character flaw, one of many im sure, is
that i cant help but think of tomorrow. or the next day.
or 4324392 years from now.

i cant live in the moment anymore.


the moments have faded. there is no now.

i fucked up enough in my 20 years to know that with
pleasure comes a price. and im not willing to pay anything
anymore.

i want free joy.
i want free love.

and i want freedom.

and i need some stimulation....im getting further and
further from shore....and i have no anchor anymore. and
the sad realization that ive fabricated the only ones ive
ever had, is a bit hard to confront alone..

3.


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