Ramblings of a Mom
Ad 2:
2003-11-17 14:11:46 (UTC)

Damn It!!!

Here I was, just journalling away, when the freaking
internet connection dies, taking everything with it! Okay,
starting over again, here we go...
I know it's been awhile since I have written (like it
matters, hehehe). Here's the scoop. My husband is not
going to see his Dad at Thanksgiving, the airline tickets
were just too high. I feel terribly guilty about it,
especially since his Dad will be totally alone at
Thanksgiving now. I will just have to make it a point to
get him up there for a weekend or something sometime soon.
However, we have purchased his ticket to see his Mom for
Christmas. He has stated that he will not go if it seems
like anything is going on with the baby, even though he
will be gone just over 48 hours, including plane time!
Well, that brings me to Mom has been
emailing me this morning about various things. Now it
seems that her sister that is coming in from Oregon now
says that she doesn't want to go anywhere for Christmas and
that she doesn't want to participate in a large gathering.
Well, guess what? Tough shit! If she doesn't want to go
anywhere for Christmas, then she can sit her ass at my
grandparents' house by herself for Christmas while
everybody else is over here at my house! If she tries to
mess this holiday up, I am going to be one upset little
Momma! I really don't care if she doesn't want to come
over for the holidays, it is no skin off of my back! This
is the same woman (who is my aunt, no less), that when we
sent out an email announcing this pregnancy, she informed
me that she didn't like being a great-aunt. The first time
that she met my son two years ago, he told her that she was
not his friend! Kids know best! So whatever, I really
don't care, too much preparation has gone into this
celebration already to let one grumpy bitch ruin it for
everybody. I could care less if I even see her while she's
That brings us to other family members. Mom has also
emailed me that the cousin that I have that has asked to be
the one to throw my a baby shower from the very beginning
now says that she can't. So my Mom asks me if I have any
ideas now. I told her, well, the only real friend I have
is now living in Canada, so I don't really know. I'm about
ready to say screw all of them, don't bother! We can do
this ourselves!
We already went and bought the crib yesterday as well as
the bouncinette and other miscellaneous items. Next
weekend we are going back to buy the playpen/bassinet and
some more little items. The plan is to use Christmas money
to buy the changing table set. The only big items that we
are looking outside for is that his Mom wants to get the
stroller/car seat set and my Mom wants to get the bedding
set. That puts them even on contributions, and that's all
we're depending on. Mom wants me and her to just get
together and throw my own baby shower, how tacky and
pitiful is that? Besides, why should I ask people to spend
money on this baby when it's Christmas time and they have
other priorities. It's not like I have a whole lot of
people to invite anyway. Both of our families are
scattered all over the US (from California to Pennsylvania,
and a few places in between) and have their own priorities,
obviously. To me inviting somebody means I am obligating
them to give a gift, and I don't want things that way!
Not only that, my Mom doesn't need the additional stress
(emotionally or financially) on top of the holidays and my
baby brother getting married and all.
Moving on to other things, we went to our second Lamaze
class last night. I am realizing the closer we get to this
baby (amongst other things) the more I am falling in love
with my husband all over again, in a deeper level. The
only concern I have is that I will be so worried about him
at the delivery, that I won't be able to focus on what I am
supposed to be doing. But then again, I discovered last
night, just knowing that he is there with me, touching me,
loving me, makes it all okay. That I will make it through
this like a trooper, just like I did with my son, but with
a much better understanding and a much much better person
by my side. I just wish that I could take his worry away.
That I could help to understand that it's okay what I go
through, not to worry about it so much. It truly frightens
him to see these videos of labor and delivery and what the
woman goes through. He told me last night that the only
way he would be okay is if he was in the park while I was
going through this. On the other hand, I also know that he
will not leave my side during this, it's just his way of
coping with his fears.
I guess I better stop rambling and sign off before my
internet connection dies again and this was all for naught
(again). I am willing to bet that this is one of my
emotional cycles and I will just have to get through it.
I'm already crying this morning, so we'll see how long this
one lasts.