2003-11-17 01:27:38 (UTC)


Ive been gone for a while, off in my own mind.
Stan was in the hospital for about 3 weeks. He came home a
couple days ago. It was weird not having him around. He
went into heart failure I guess. I couldnt go into the
room to see him, I wasnt sure if I could handle it. I cant
bear seeing anyone like that, I dont know how Misty does it
when I am there. The last time she saw me in a hospital bed
it was because of my stomach. She came in and I was
sleeping. She said I looked helpless and I was.
Eversince Matt died, I dont take life for granted. I miss
him and everytime I see a gold vw or even a car accident, I
think about him and his mother. I thought about visiting
her the other day, but I never got around to it. I heard
she is not doing well. Everytime I pick up a drink, I think
about him, but I know I will not be like him and drive
afterwards. Sometimes, I feel like I NEED a drink and
sometimes I just feel tired but I cant sleep. The worst
part is, getting the drinks arent hard. But I do it
responsibly and only at home. Life has changed so much
lately. Friends I had in school, are now just people and my
good friends are so far away. Misty is still my baby. But
it seems like we never have time for each other and sex
just isnt the same. I look into her eyes and I know she
loves me, We can sit and hold each other after a night at
work and not worry about leaving one another to go
home...we are home.. Norm and Andy are off in there own
walmart environment. The work in Gilford now and I know its
not far but we work in Concord and soon it will be
Manchester and then we are moving there, where our lives
will just begin. I havent seen Kallista lately but we hear
about her. I hope everything is alright. I wonder when her
and Laura will stop fighting. We talk to Christine alot and
I try to make time for Kristy. Erin will be up for
Thanksgiving and hopefully she will be over for the party.
I wonder if megan will be up from Florida. I would call her
but I dont know the number.
Ive gotta go let the dog out and feed the rabbit. Im out
for the night.