would the world stop spinning
2003-11-16 08:03:02 (UTC)

one of these days you might find yourself starving and eating all of the words you just said

i really don't get people..i think i've come to loath most
if not all of them really..
lets start with caela..i don't know why but i relize now
that i fucked up badly,guess i didn't know what i was doing
at the time..but so did she...BADLY, cuz it'll never go
back to how it was no matter what,not that i think she
cares much anymore,she seems to be healing nicely,i loved
her tho.. i really,maybe to much for the
short time we were together..but she opened my eyes to so
much,i'm still breaking as we speak and it gets harder
every single second...........she says it woulda been
something if not this..i think it's because she's scared,
she's afraid something will come and turn her world around
and she wont have complete control anymore,well big news
love..if not this it'll be something,only i'll be gone and
you'll be dizzy....seimpre!!!!i have no problems saying
it,just a problem not wanting to stop

you'd be suprised how much you can hate someone you love.
i read the most interesting thing just now...
this really huge bitch named mellisa spouting off about
alotta shit she doesn't know about...about how much aften
has done for people and then they turn their backs on her..
now i'm not going to sit her and act like i know why these
people deleated aften from their lives,cuz i don't..but i
think that this cunt needs i lesson in aften...b/c if we
wanna talk about things people have done for others...well
i've done more for aften in the time i've known her than
most people that have been in her life two or three times
as long have,and what did i get for it..a swift kick while
i was down.i fell head over heals for aften the moment i
saw her..and she was bad to me over and over again...i delt
b/c i loved her with every fiber of me, once again i wont
sit her and act like a saint...i wasn't perfect,i did
things i shouldn't have...i stoped trusting her and so id
go in her email box and i read her text messages,just to
see the lies i knew were sitting there..i'll admit to all
that,but i never hit her or cheated on her and i never lied
to her.i gave her my heart and i gave her everything i
could just to see her smile. i never asked for more than
her honesty and love back.....nothing more at all
i think anyone who reads this knows the story of roy and
how aften kept from me that she was dating him and me at
the same time,and how she told me for close to a year she
wanted to leave him and be with me again...and i think we
all know the story of jenn....but what about jenn from
minnisota? well now that we are pretty up to date, lets
find out how mellisa came into my life......
aften finally decided she was ready to be with me and i was
extatic,i calmed down and stoped doing crazy things..but
then she stoped comming to see me and stoped calling me and
then finally i told her i need a week break.... a few days
later i call aften and someone new picks up... as i
question this girl about who she is,i find out that she's
aftens g/f of a few months who moved here from portland or
seatle or where ever...yeah aften once again broke my
fucking heart,..i did the one thing i knew aften would be
hurt by b/c she wouldn't do me the simple favor of giving
me an explination...i'll even give it to people,esp her
friends the right to say that i was a cunt....but i removed
aften out of my life untill recently...she told me she
never expected the girl to come that makes it
all better...that it woulda been ok to say she loved
someone else as long as they weren't here.......
tonight i read that aften wants to be with mellisa still
and vice versa...seems that the distance keeps them from
that....well i think that this point the band aids on my
heart keep me from caring anymore...i'm personally tired of
aften's games...sad to say i lost caela alot in part to
aften..i wouldn't have done it again,i wish she woulda seen
and for the record,i was not kissing anyone but caela at
celebs the night we were all there...thanks...

each day i break away a little more than the previous
day..shards falling like brkun cuts my hand as
i try to catch it.. bleeding only makes it all the more