I Am Not

metaphorical suicide
2003-11-16 03:26:49 (UTC)

junkie

she said she cant live without them
i know what she means
how every time she eats she needs them
inhales them
by the box
there are twenty four in each box
unless she buys the one with twice that
four by four
chased like a shot of vodka
with cherry coke and peanut m&ms
thinking how wrong this is
that she doesnt need to do this
as she downs another handful
knowing she will be so sick
in a few hours
cringing and burning to the porcelain god
screaming silently she will never do this again
only to realize that no matter how much she says that
she will always be back
buying another box
and another
binging on her pizza and donuts
telling herself it will be ok
that she will be ok
that she will be empty again
and start over toward the perfection of thinness
she picks up her pills and her cherry coke
and lines up the peanut m&ms by color
starts the cycle
again




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