2003-11-14 21:59:31 (UTC)

i bet she understands what it means to really love

cus i know she understands what it means to really hate
but the difference between the two is just a matter of
shes trying, but its hard, shes trying but its hard, oh god
shes trying but its hard...

well today was soo slow. ryan talked to me a lot, hes
weird. i am a little uncomfortable around him. and the
boys asked me to go to Rachel's with them for lunch and i
said "no not today" and they got a real kick out of that. i
want to be a stripper. they make so much money. i bet i
will someday. someday i'll actually be in shape and get my
boobs done. still wont have an ass, but. i can still be a

danelle was talking to me about richard today and it made
me so sad for her. shes really sweet even though shes a
shallow ditz, and i feel so bad because ive been there.
and it also made me a little bit sad for me, that im only
20 and im listening to her with so much understanding, more
than she has even and... it makes everything seem pretty

but caroline stopped by for a little bit after work that
was nice, i burned doria roberts for her. its such a good
cd. i think i was a little weird. like she went to hug me
and i stepped back without thinking about it. i just feel
kind of stupid right now. like i have no pride, and after
all this time being shamelessly open, i finally feel
retarded for it. not that it will stop me.

IM SO EXCITED IM GUNA SEE ASHLEY, every time i go there i
dont want to leave and i just want to stay there forever
its like home to me, and i hope things are okay because its
usually just us and im weird with people... brad asked me
today "why are you always so sad"... well brad, because my
boyfriends the biggest lying asshole on earth and im
actually in love with his sister whos living with the
biggest assed whore on earth but doesnt really care about
her but wont leave and i mean "im not, im just sleepy"

Mike said i can learn how to paint!! he asked matt to teach
me awhile ago but im so excited!! and sodder! and do fun
shop stuf YAY.