Random Ramblings Of A Teenager
2003-11-12 23:33:58 (UTC)

God Please Save Me

I feel like my life is falling apart. I'm tearing at the
seams and I'm pretty sure that nothing can fix it. It's
strange how everything was going so well. I had really good
friends, friends I could talk to, friends I actually liked
being with. School was going good. I wasn't working too
hard, not like last year. Everything was going great. But
yesterday things just didn't feel right and it's not
getting better. I feel probably how a person who wants to
commit sucide feels before doing it. Alone and just a
strange sense of sadness that you can't really explain.
Sure there's been a few things that have really gotten to
me, maybe it's the combination of it all, but alone they
wouldn't even phase me.

Normally school doesn't upset me... getting one bad grade
isn't the end of the world... but I'm just feeling really
bad. I'm not doing too hot in Chemistry and Trig is just a
pain in the ass.

Plus, I'm really feeling alone right now. My friends are
the most self-centered people I know. I talk to them and
all I hear about is what's going wrong in their lives. I'm
use to it, but no one ever askes me how I'm doing, if I'm
fine. And I feel like Nate has abandoned me. We haven't
really TALKED for so long, much less even hanged out. It
shouldn't hurt me, but when I hear him talking about how
much fun him and Sarah had last night or whatever I just
feel so alone. And it's not like he couldn't ask me,
because he doesn't just hang out with her, it's Ashely, and
Chris too. And I would think that he would rather hang out
wiht me more than a bunch of Frosh... but maybe I'm wrong.
It's not that I care so much, just that I thought that we
were better friends. But maybe we're not... maybe I just
need to find someone else to hang out with. It's not like
it would be that hard. Nate is cool and all, but he's
replacable, just like everyone else.

Besides, I need to start thinking about the future. In less
than two years, I'll be in college, hopefully in NYC, and
none of these people will matter. They'll be part of my
past... part of my life that I'll look back and think what
sucky friends I had, but then be happy that I have
wonderful friends now.