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The Common Thread
2003-11-11 05:43:25 (UTC)

12 commandments of reconstruction

number one: never again will i abuse the free coffee refills at the
majestic on a late night when i have school the next day. it may
actually be a good thing because i am actually writing in this stupid
journal.

number two: i will stop blaming myself when things go wrong. as
unbelievable as it seems, i hurt, i cried, i resolved, all without
involving him at all. perhaps that wasn't the best of decisions, but i
am feeling a lot better. freaking crazy the amount of moods i have
been in these past few days. some would say bi-polar...i would
say "i hate you. i love you. i think you are right."

number three: i will stop neglecting my family. all the while, i
considered them background music. what a fool. people, if there
is one thing you get from this journal, if anyone reads this in fact,
please realize that your family is that best friend that you are
constantly in search of. or atleast in my case. i was even talking to
my sister about it the other day, how i can never seem to find
myself a really good friend that i can rely on through thick and thin.
she should have slapped me and said, "you're looking at her." she
should have shut me up and said, "quit being ignorant, we are
right here." i love my family so much. i really really do. even now,
i think about it and i have to take really deep breaths to keep me
from driving home at 12:30 on this tuesday morning. i definitely
don't tell them enough. which takes us to number four...

number four: tell the ones i love that i do. love them. it always
goes without saying. i think it's one of those things that i tell myself
and i instantly assume they heard me. i assume they can read my
thoughts and know that i care about them more than i can put into
words and that i would be nothing without them. because through
this whole situation, it has really started making sense to me how
much love i am surrounded by. i always take that for granted. and
me not hearing it makes me want to let others hear it as much as
possible. i love you. i love you. i love you. i want to tell them so
much that they expect me to say it with every greeting. with every
goodbye. i want them to know.

number five: i will stop spending my money like it is in endless
supply! miss unemployment 2003 throwing dollars around like it's
going out of style. and no more of this, "oh, i'm not spending
money...you are what? going to a movie? of course i will go!"
point blank, the green is staying in my wallet and i am leaving my
bank card at home. just like tonight. i even got a free cup of coffee
out of it!

number six: take advantage of the fact that a lot of things can
come for free, if you just put your mind to it. and no, i'm not talking
about stealing. i'm saying, instead of buying...borrow or barter.
whoa, what a hot catch phrase. borrow or barter. lately, that is my
newest addiction. bartering. i have gotten so much cool stuff and
given away the same. i love it. everyone should do it.

number seven: i will love radiohead for the rest of my life. no
explaination required.

number eight: i will stop being so attached to my cellphone. i will
stop strategically placing it so that i can check missed calls in a
glance. i will stop all that text messaging because it is killing me.
the fact that i have become dependent on it is ridiculous. and
depressing. spencer cancelled text messaging from his phone.
such a good idea...i wish i had the guts to do that.

number nine: i will stop going to bed soooo late because i am
always rushing in the morning. i need to get back into the swing of
my morning cup of coffee because i have been miserable without.
plus, next semester means earlier morning classes which means
earlier bedtime. no more of this 1:00 AM crap. it's killing me.

number ten: no more always being online. i am just going to start
signing off. it's like my own personal answering machine. that's
the only reason i leave it on all the time. cut that crap out.

number eleven: start sewing like i used to. i sew a little now, but
not as much as i did when i lived in snellville. i guess because it
was snellville. even so, sewing was always such an incredible
outlet for me. since i never freaking do anything active anymore...i
will sew.

number twelve: be more active :)




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