Str8 Girl, Interrupted

My Life is a Drama....
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2003-11-10 10:18:45 (UTC)

So much to write and so little..

So much to write and so little energy to do it on. So,
where to begin.....okay....Saturday night, I went out with
Christopher Omar. It was interesting. I didn't feel
anything. Something was missing. It wasn't the same. I
just figured everything would get back to normal and I was
wrong. I let myself down.

I guess, I'm just going through a little slump in my life.
I don't know how to deal with all this change that's
surrounding me. I need to find a neutral person and just
talk about it. I need to talk. Everything I've ever
believed in or worked for is just...changing. It scares
me. I'm not completely terrifed anymore, but it's still
scarey.

I feel overwhelmed. Like my whole life is being underrun
with all these different situations and I don't know how to
handle it. For example, Chris (Josh's bf) is ALWAYS here.
I feel like he might as well move in, but if I allowed
that, it would just be an invitation for myself to be
completely phased out. But if I complain about the
situation, it just pushes Josh further away. I can't win
in this situation. I just feel like Josh is being so
hypocritical. He used to bitch when Marc and Chris had a
guy over EVERY night, now he's doing the exact same thing.
Then he bitches about Chris always being here, but yet he
doesn't say anything to him. It's going on a week that
Chris has been here. It's getting a bit excessive. But
again, I can't say anything.

I guess, I just feel left behind. I have little to no time
alone with him anymore. If do get time alone with him, I
don't know what to say. It's like we don't have anything
in common anymore. It hurts. Like I'm losing my best
friend. This pain is so different than the kind I
experienced with Chris and Marc. I guess, the shock issue
has alot of do with. I never thought Josh would get this
involved. Sure, I expected him to get a bf, but not like
this.

Everyone is telling me to just forget it and go on with my
life. But Josh, Chris and Marc were my life. How do I
reverse that? How do I just forget the last 6 years of my
life? It doesn't work that way. But how does it work?
What happens when I'm the only one left?


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