sweetaddiction
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i hate that i cant fucking..
i hate that i cant fucking sleep at night because i hate
going to bed knowing that no one is going to be there
i hate being codepedent when there is nothing and noone
for me to be codepedent on
i fucked sarah over.
and i feel bad for that.
i miss adrienne.
"i want my old friends, i want my old face, i want my old
life, fuck this time and place."
i never should have fucking moved to tampa.
quite possibly the STUPIDEST thing i have ever done in my
life.
and its not like i can fix it now.
one day im sure ill get over the fact that she doesnt love
me, and possibly never did.
but, until that day comes....what am i supposed to fucking
do.
i got over being a slut.
i got over being in a relationship.
whats now.
im doing the nosex thing.
im doing the putallmytimeintoworkandschool thing.
and im getting over that quickly too.
and whats sad is that there really is no fucking point in
dwelling.
and i used to freakout and call her and tell her how much
i missed her.
and now i dont even have the desire to do that.
because she never makes it better.
shes gone.
shs not that person anymore and my heart really needs to
catch the fuck up with my head.
because this is just stupid.
two years is a long time, but damn ashley.
come on now.
im not a dumb person.
and im not so much of a dependant person either.
i never was until her.
she was the only person i have ever cared about enough to
be good to. and therefore of course, shes the one that
left me alone and heartbroken.
how typical and stupid.
it makes me want to fucking vomit.
i got over being the disgustingly sad pathetic emo kid all
sad because she got fucked over.
but i still am that person, and it makes me crazy.
i dont care about anyone. i need to care about someone
that cares about me.
and she called me today for no fucking reason said hi and
then was like yeah well ill talk to you later.
like.
stop.
like i just want it to go away because it really already
is anyway.
and i guess the fact that i spent 700andsomeodd days with
this girl, means fucking nothing now.
the fact that i sacrificed everything in my fucking life
for her, means fucking nothing now.
and i should somehow learn to accept that and MOVE THE
FUCK ON.
because this is irratating and gross.
and totally not something i want to be apart of.
"when i love, i love forever"
but.
a lot of people arent like that.
people are stupid.
i hate them.
and i hate this feeling.
she sucks ashley, get over it. getthefuckoverit.
god.
fuck.
i have turned into the person that fucks over and up
anything good in their life becuase their still stuck on
that ONE person that was horrible for them, but yet they
manage to convience themselves in their fucked up logic
that THAT was the only thing that carried any fucking
meaning in their pathetic little life, and if they could
just have THAT again they would be the happiest most
fullfilled person in the world.
and i know, thats fucking bullshit.
so, i have yet again concluded that i am a living
breathing walking fucking contradiction.
vomit