so i have staples in my head. huh huh. like an ass, i was
putting groceries away, stood up and smashed my head into
the kitchen cabinet while picking up my cell to the sound
of my dad saying "sara get off the computer" i yelp, throw
donw the phone, hold my head for a moment, go to the
bathroom, look in the mirror, and see my hair matted in
blood, i get scared like a little girl and start crying. i
rinse my head with water, tell myself to calm down... my
dad comes... blah blah i end up in the emergency room,
didnt take that long which is good.... the doctor was this
dude named mohammad and i think he was the first arab guy
ive ever been attracted to in my life (i often do this in
scary situations... i find something else to pay attention
to, preferably a man, to keep my mind off things... like
that time i got arrested and flirted with the cops a bit...
while in handcuffs... oh yeah baby) anyway he was a real
sarcastic smartass but was also very nice to me and talked
to me the whole time... mostly just fucking around... while
he gave me a tetnus shot, cleaned out the cut, some shots
to numb the head and stapled away. strange senstion, having
your head stapled... im kinda in a good mood now. i can
tell people "hey guess what i have staples in my head"
hahahha figures, sara.
what else can i say about today? well yesterday i gave
blood... and i lost a bunch of blood today.. so maybe thats
why i was feelin woozy for a bit.... i was thinkin
yesterday about my blood being used for other people... i
never really thought about it before.. i always
thought "alright, go ahed take some blood" today was a
crazy day at work... felt like a whirlwind... then i walked
across the bridge... listened to bruce... was very happy.
wanted to sing.. i was walking home from the park the other
day and was listening to nirvana... feels like AGES...
anyway i was listening to this one song on repeat... (that
smell her on you song... i forget what its called... 'truth
covered in security i cant let you swallow me... ) i used
to LOVE that song and i still LOVE that song and after
awhile i was like "FUCK IT" and started to sing it ,
wearing my headphones... felt like i was 15 again...
today on the train i was looking at girls. i play lots of
games on the train in my head. today it was "does she look
like shes someone who will get married" then i thought
about my friends. iris, def. faith. (all the girly girls)
julie. not rita. then i started thinking about me. then i
remembered once, andy telling me ill never get married. we
were on a beach in wildwood and this was during his psychic
phase and i was so CRUSHED. later on he told me he was just
kidding but i think he was sayingthat to make me feel
better.. then i remembered one time chris telling me that
he doesnt think im the kind of girl that will ever get
married... ive been thinking of things he used to say to me
lately... things i didnt like at all... like how he thinks
single girls wholive by themselves are so depressing.. they
come home from wrk to an empty apartment and watch tv...
and im a single girl living alone and some nights i come
home and just watch tv... i was telling this to julie the
other day and she said "do not pay attention to the
judgements of thirty one year old alcoholics who live with
their mother..." hahahahh and anyway im happy so WHATever.
i really like my life these days. i love my life these
days. i feel like everything is as it should be...
NOW i have to go to sleep , and the best alarm clock in the
whole world will wake me up tomorrow....
(with staples in my head)
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