Euphoric Nothingness
2003-11-06 04:52:01 (UTC)

My Recent Freak Out Moment

Once again many days have passed since I have updated the
good old journal. Lots of school and Library going on.
It's all stale and unexciting to the outside world since
most who would read this understand where I am coming
from. So now to the most interesting point of the week so

This semester I have to write a long paper for my History
& Historians class. I suppose it is similar to an
Undergradutae Thesis. We can do it on anything that we
want. The paper has to be a minimum of 12 - 15 pages. I
expect mine to go at least 20 - 23 without endnotes,
bibiolography, and any other extraneous information.

In class on Tuesday I presented/announced the topic that I
plan on writing about. The topic is "Flooding the Roman
Colosseum to Stage Mock Naval Battles". When I initially
announced it in my speech, I heard a gasp of surprise from
many people (mind you this is a history class). I went on
to discuss what I plan to do and how I think I am going to
construct the paper.

The other people in the class who presented their topics
on the same day were fielding at least 4 or 5 questions a
piece. I had one question about a video that was The
Discovery Channel (and I have it already). Plus, the
professor was giving comments and suggestions to the
others about how to improve their papers. Dr. Walker had
no comments for me.

This has lead to something very interesting. And I am
having trouble with not thinking about. I am totally
freaked out by this! I am not sure if my topic is so
unique and obscure that or people think I am crazy or am
undertaking a massive project or what not. My topic is
very different from what others are doing but I did not
expect the reaction of almost complete shock that I did

So now I am a bit worried. I am not sure what to do.
Either I am way off track or I am doing something right
and different than everyone else. I am going to try to
get off at the Library a few minutes early tomorrow to see
my professor.

I guess I should also explain how important this paper is
to me. First of all, the History Department offers a $100
Scholarship/Reward for the best paper written all
semester. Of course having that title would be very
nice. Second, and probably most importantly, I plan on
using this paper as a writing sample to get into graduate
school. Essentially, if I can write a beautiful paper
that shows my skills, then I can ride it all the way into
a very good program. Thirs, and obviously, I need an A in
the class.

This paper means a lot to me. I am putting in many hours
every day. I need to make it amazing in order to help
fulfill my dreams of making it into a quality graduate
program. I have my heart into this. I think this is why
the initial introduction and subsequent reaction of the
class took me so off guard. I just hope that everything
is ok. I am very concerned at this point because many
hours and sacrifices have been made to produce what I hope
to be a personal and academic milestone. This is a paper
and topic that I truly believe in and am putting so much
effort into. I'm just going to have to find out where I
stand and what I need to do get better.