Rainey

Mien Kompf
2003-11-05 19:00:07 (UTC)

My winters day

*Sighs* I am back here where I live. I am no longer
visiting my lover. I got back on Sunday after visiting my
relatives. I had a nice time with them. They were all very
happy to see me. I liked that. I like the feeling of the
unconditional acceptance that only a family can bring.
*sighs* It makes me happy.
Since leaving the city where my lover is, I've been doing
things for my self now. Actaully more since
hmmm..yesterday. I think about him, although I feel as I
do..I feel hurt, and sad, and angry, upset, somewhat
depressed, and I wonder about him. I try to worry more
about my self as of the moment..and I havent had much
trouble with that. But, before I go to bed, I think about
him. I call out for him. And, ironically every time I think
about him, and what I feel, my favorite song plays on the
radio (if its on where I am @) Dido's White Flag. I guess
its how I feel. It puts a smile on my face.
Now, enough in that reverie. I have been feeling better
today. I dont hurt as much as I have been. I feel better! I
can smile, its still a little hard to smile, but nothing
like its been for a few days. Today, I am not quite sure
what happend, but I awoke to being HAPPY! I am so glad. I
feel more @ ease. I feel like everything in my life is
going to be alright. Im happy I feel like that. I worry,
and I try to keep that worry more focused on me,
but..*sighs* my thoughts wander to many things. My mom, my
schooling, getting a job, my lover..me..
I feel today, that I am not going to let anything get me
down. I feel very good inside. I still feel like crying,
but Im going to let that wave wash over me in due time;
When I need to cry. I am going to be strong today, I am
going to care for me today, and I am going to volenteer my
free time to those who are in need of it. :) Maybe I can go
to the local pet shelter and see if they need any help. I
dunno, I can look aroud for any place that needs volenteers.
I would like to do that. Reach out to others, and give.
Give my free time. Just give, without expecting a return. I
like to give, and I havent done much of that in a while,
but..I'm going to start giving again. I remember how good
that felt. Im also going to work out! I remeber how good
that feels! :D
*sighs* I cant lie to myself, yes I feel like crying! But,
Im going to be strong, get through this! YES! Be the best I
can be! ME!!! And,....give myself the best self talk I can.
I am going to make changes! MY LIFE NEEDS IT! I AM GOING TO
HELP MY SELF. I AM GOING TO CALL ATTENTION TO ALL THE
THINGS WITHIN ME THAT I NEED TO EASE, AND "FIX". I AM GOING
TO MAKE ME BETTER!
*sighs* I am crying...But, I'll be ok. Im gonna heal me,
and feel better. FOR ME. FOR MY SELF! I need start moving,
and not dwell on how I feel. I will get through this! I am
determined! And, get education started too! :)
Oh! and its a beautiful winter day!:) Im happy and thankful
for that!:)
Make love not War




Ad: