Mercedes

you cant escape what makes you tragic
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2003-11-05 05:24:20 (UTC)

amazing

i'm
listening to wumpscut "christfuck". it's got awesome beats-
but w/e thats not what i'm writing about. ahh everything
sucks so damn much lately. nothing special is wrong, it's
just all so mediocer (sp?? ahh i hate being spelling
deficient... oh shit, how do you spell dificient????? maybe
with two 'f's? i dunno...) and look i've managed to spend
five minutes typing NOTHING. grr.

i'm really disapointed with andrew. he is being such a
bitch about talking to joey, and i already did the hard
part for him! i've already told joey that andrew wants to
break up with him, and that it's basically over. i know it
is because andrew RELLY doesn't want to hurt joey, and not
just out of sympathy, but i think andrew is just being
childish... were not in elementary school anymore, FROSHIE.
oh well. i'll love him anyways, and damn- he knows it.
things just suck.

it's sad that i never get to see chris anymore. after a
week at the beach 2gether i was a little chrisedout but now
i miss him. it seems like he is really bizzy or w/e but he
still does occasional things w/ carly and co. (me thinks)
so he should do something with me sometimes, too.

i don't chill with joey that much anymore either, but then
again we never hung out too much to begin with. things
really suck for him. his mom really needs to start smoking
or something, she is so anal about everything. i feel bad
that i can't do more for him, but i guess he has to learn
the hard way... if you get burned enough you start to stop
caring, and that makes it easier to deal with but i guess
you get a lot more 'issues'. something like that. haha-
nah. the 'issues are probably all mine.

i was talkin' on the phone with alex and she said she felt
bad for me (in general i guess, nah b/c i'm so
weirddepressed all the time, w/e)... i told her she didn't
have to, but still it makes me feel odd. alex is amazing.
as much as i love all my friends, she is a little more
grown up then say andrew (well no shit, she's older) but
still, it's nice to have her around. i'd go crazy without
her.

things have been weird with caitlin lately. probably
because we havn't seen eachother for a while, and we IM but
i'm always so bitchy online... and then we'll be on the
phone, threeway calling with andrew and alex- and suz and
andrew will start going on and on about camp or just being
wierd or something of the sort, and i have no patience for
that shit. it's funny, because i was like that all through
middle school, so i don't hold it against them, i'm just
kind of sick of it.

damn- if andrew hadn't looked 17ish, and wore a rent
tshirt, i wouldn't have to deal with this.

ahh i'm so lonely but i don't want to start a relationship.
it's so pointless now because i really just want someone to
sleep with. (no like, actually sleep in bed with me). i
want an 'adult' relationship, i'm really not into the wierd
teen thing. it's all so pointless. *sigh*, alas, life is
pointless. WHY CAN'T I JUST DIE.


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