Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
2003-11-03 20:11:46 (UTC)

Life is better

I had a little bit of a freak out and break down moment
yesterday while driving back to school. Spent the second
half of the drive in tears wondering if there was
something wrong with me.

Dave, John and I were all supposed to get together
yesterday. Well, John called him twice and left messages,
but he didn't get back to us. So, I didn't see Dave
yesterday. I began to wonder if there was some reason he
didn't see us. Obviously there was, but not as crazy as I
was imagining.

I had figured there was something wrong with me. I mean I
may have helped fuck Chris' marriage up so I was worried I
had fucked things up with Dave too. Not sure how I would
have done that, but last night I had lots of ideas running
through my head.

I figured maybe I had said something or he simply didn't
want to be my friend anymore and didn't tell me. He once
told me didn't want to be friends with John, but he never
told John so they are still friends. Friends who talk
once in a blue moon, but do get along fine.

So I was freaking and worried that maybe there was
something wrong with me. Like I was ugly and he didn't
want to be seen with me. I had tons of crazy and stupid
things going through my head. None of which really made
any sense now that I think about it.

Other than the idea that he found something better to do
and didn't tell us. He would usually call us back and let
us know he had other plans though.

He orignally asked me if I could meet up with him on
Thursday. I had to say no because I'd already told John I
wasn't going to hang out with him that night. I would
just stay home.

I couldn't tell Dave yes and get John pissed at Dave and
me. So I didn't see him then. It is really too bad
because I wanted to get a good look at him and see how he
is doing. I now know that he isn't doing so well. He is
having some issues with Elissa. Like she doesn't trust
him at all.

He asked Cal the other day if trust was a part of love.
She fired back that love is trust. There no question
about it that love and trust go hand in hand. If Elissa
really doesn't trust him then there is something majorly
wrong. I don't see that he has done anything while dating
her that would make her not trust him. Unless there is
something he hasn't told me.