2003-11-03 06:29:44 (UTC)

only if you can bounce be back

people make me mad.
i dont know....

i talked to her tonight. and that made it a little bit
better. shes too good for me...i dont know. maybe im just
insane. and anyone good that comes into my life i feel
like i have to push away. because i KNOW i am not that
amazing. i know im not that fucking great. i know that i
have been through so much fucking shit and done so much
fucked up shit that anyone that pure and innocent and
amazing would never a-understand and b-forgive.

hot girl...



but i love her.
i do.



im sleepy. i shoudl really just go to bed. and forget that
today happened and that this is now my life.

once i had a meaning, substance. something to fucking
define me and something to work towards.

now i have none of that and i fumble through my days, dont
sleep during my nights, and just hope that eventually
iwill stumble upon something else to giveme that feeling
once again...

but i know i wont. not for a long. long. fucking time. if
im stubborn and im picky and im different and im fucked up
now so someone is going to have to put forth a lot of
effort to make me better and make me like them.

because i dont like people. idont want to be with anyone.
i want to curl up in bed with mowie and never leave my

here i feel okay. and i have my porch.

im blonde.

and im tired.