kitten_angel

Life
2003-11-03 00:45:06 (UTC)

Dear Brian,

Well I'm going to try and tell you what I can't tell you
in person. I've always found it easier to write things
out, and then analzes.

First things first:

I know we touched a little on the whole scale of Jade, but
I don't know, if you truely to understand where I came
from. I know you have been told, over and over again that
you two where meant to be, ( I did it myself, I was making
myself accpet it, cuz I did love you, and I didn't care
about the fact you still loved your ex's) In my heart I
know now, that you can say, you have know feelings for
her, but I know, you still do. You always will, you may
have finally accepted the fact that you may never get
together again, good. But from where I came from was from
hearing what everyone else said, and you yourself said,
either directly, or indireclty. To me, I was always being
compaird, you always said you'd love here, and at the time
I believed that when she came back, you would leave me cuz
of that love. In you online diary, you always wrote about
her. And I read them, I can understand love, and I know
you did, and still do love her, that's fine.

The other thing that bothered me, was being compaird to
Breezy. Yes, we both had red hair and blue eyes. But I
think that's were are similarties end. She could never
raise a child, and go to school, on her own. We both know
that. I have a temper, I get emtional. Everyone does. But
I don't think I have BDP. I've talked it over with my
doctor and I have depression.

Second:

Chron's, ok you have it, I understand that. I always know
you where depressed, but that also dragged me down. And
through me into a rut, that was in all honesty, very hard
to climb out of, but I did. It did make me feel like you
where always flinging it in my face, and I feel guilty,
cuz in the end I stopped caring, as hard is it for me to
say and admit. The sad thing is I still loved you... yet I
didn't care. I wanted and needed out.

Third:

The hardest part, What do I feel? Good question, I don't
know. There are certain things I know, which parts will
last.... another thing I don't know. I know you hurt me,
and I hurt you. for that I'm sorry I never wanted to hurt
you. There are things I miss, being able to talk to you(
not yell, but talk) being held, everything that was nice.
What I don't miss, is the depression on both parts, the
fighting, the self-pity.... I can't go back to that. I've
done a lot of thinking since being here. One of the
mistakes we made at the very beinging was picking it up
right where it ended in 99'. So we had a few talks on the
phone, fine, but it doesn't make a relationship. I also
know, after my dad died, I need someone there that didn't
mind me clinging. I think you knew that, maybe not I don't
know. I'm not sure how I feel, I know I still love you,
but how deep does it run, I don't know. I do know I can
never go back to the way it was... it almost kill us. I
don't want you getting your hopes up, but this was
something I felt needed to be known.

The song reminded me of us, I don't know if you thing
so... but I did.

Get better, Ceolia says hi, and I would like it if she
could still call you Daddy, it means a lot.

Talk to you later

-----------------------------------------------------------

Artist: NICKELBACK
Album: Unknown
Title: Someday


How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now


Misty Greencorn




Ad: