psychomagnet

sleeptodreamher
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2003-11-02 08:21:30 (UTC)

her lips are puckered and she is walking alone.

give yourself over to absolute pleasure...

why am i so... "bored"? its funny how i stopped with him.
ashleys still the last person ive slept with. i miss her i
cant wait to see her and her new hair.

i love rocky. davin was there haha how funny and he was
like "I saw you at don pablos" what the fuck i havent seen
him since high school. i was so tired though i almost fell
asleep. they did cell block tango again ooh yeah. some
cute little girl was like "i like your shirt hehehe".
thanks want to come home with me? haha not really. she
was a from-the-neck-down kind of girl.

then my car started overheating on my way home from
sebastiens so that was nice. i decided to take the long
back way home even though i was tired i felt like driving.

oh and so its fear that keeps you, well it keeps you all
locked in, you see no way out and i see no way in

i should stop putting it off and go talk to someone who can
maybe help me. give me the drugs whatever. ive been
really wanting to smoke the guys at work are always talking
about it maybe that would chill my ass out... i dont know.
tonight i realized that i drank 5 nights out of 7 this
week.

im so tired in so many ways. im so tired of being this
girl, the one whos never happy with anything, the one who
cant let go. i mean here we go with another example of the
extremes again, the fucking ambivalence that destroys me.
im either the insane cold bitch who doesnt give a fuck or
im the pathetic clinging idiot who cant stop crying when
she walks away. and inside there is the theory that things
will be okay that it'll eventually be the way it should,
whichever that is, that they will be over on their own but
then the rest of me stops it midtheory and says "fuck that
shes still sharing a bed with her and shes resigning her
fucking lease and you fucking idiot leave it alone" and i
just. im so tired. i hate this. because i cant leave it
alone. at least if the bitch would go away we'd have a
chance.

they dont understand you until its too late

how do i stop crying.
what will it take.

i cant stay awake another minute. even if i wanted to.


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