Fatalzero22

The Adventures Of Cody Jenkins
2003-11-02 07:47:10 (UTC)

October Ends And My WInter Begins

Well we all know that its damn sure not winter yet, the
weather has been nice latley so what in the world am i
talkin about right... Well for me winter started about 2
weeks or so again, and every now and then , im hit by a
blizzard... These arent the kind that leave the ground
coverd but a glissing beautifull blanket of snow the
following morning... these are the kind that layer your
car with ice, and make u freeze your ass of in the
morning, only to arrive at school 10 mins late, with your
fat ass first hour teacher , markin down your grade, and
telling you , you can in fact do better...
Im not sure what to write about really in here, i dont
want to sound like a whinely lil bitch, and i kno i have a
tendencey to do that in my journal, eveyone tells me about
how they fell bad after they read it and shit ,and that
just makes me want to destroy the whole fucking thing... I
mean i dont want your sympathy , not even a lil bit... Its
nice that you care, but just leave it at that...
So im going to say whats on my mind, take it as that,
from now on... Im not forcing anyone to read this at all,
so just know that im not "whining" this is just a damn
good way for me to vent... if u fell like im just
constantly bitching...Fuck off, and there is a handy
lil "X" in the upper right corner u can hit... or try
Alt f4 that works too....
ok For thows of u who are still here, for one reason or
another hes what i have been up too...First and formost me
and lain arent talking... Im not really sure why, all i
kno it we were figthing and i think we decided maybe we
shouldent hang out anymore, cuz shit alwasys works out
like this.. we hang out , make out, somday shit gets
fucked up, and we get mad at each other... no matter how
stupid it is, and then she gets all whiney about how she
feels like i used her... Every fucking time... so anyway i
think thats why were not a talking, but im not quite sure,
it makes for aqward times, and i dont really care if we
talk or not, im not holding a grude.. then again im not
the one "being used" i kno its shitty of me to kiss her
cuz i kno she is more than willing and i dont like her
like that... and whenever someone confronts me about it, i
do feel bad, and get imbarissed cuz i kno its shitty of
me... just like at corbets when jenny was saying shit
about it... i got imbarresed, cuz i kno its wrong of me...
and then aqward and then, jut break off into silence...
yeah thats what went down.. anyway thats about all i have
to say about that .... FUcking a man fucking a, me and
shawn had a good talk about it the other night... and he
feels the same way somtimes... its good to have someone
who understands....
Ok next on my list of things that are shitty, is tyler.
Dont get my wrong i love the kid, but hes been such a
bitch latley, Hes been blowing me off for like the last
month, intentionally, or unintentionally dosnet matter,
cuz we talked about it and he knew he was doing it, and i
got mad, but we talked it out, and things were cool. He
says he didnt come around cuz he was torn up about carrie,
and shit... and didnt want to talk about it... ok thats
cool i understand... but then i just kinda think he is
full of shit and was just busy with other people since he
was like chillin with one or 2 other girls... he was just
hanging out with there croud to chill with them... fine
ive done it cool, im not gonna get mad... but then he blew
me off again tonight, after calling me to see what i was
up too...we were suppoe to go to a party, which i could
have really used to go to... and insted hes like oh im
gonna go smoke with lain really fast... and ill be done in
like 10 mins... about 40 mins later i called and got ahold
of him, and he said about 10 more mins and they would roll
out... ok so and hour and a half later at about 1:45 he
calls my cell... Ok Sorry ive been waiting that long..
Fuck you, it only rang once and i didnt even have time to
anser it... So yet agian im left alone, at home , another
weekend night wasted...But im not gonna get mad... fine he
blew me off agian ok, cool .. fuck em im not gonna get
mad, im just not gonna make plans to hang out with him
anytime soon... if he wants to hang out he can go out of
his fucking way to show me he ACTUALLY wants too, and im
not gonna get blow off again, cuz realisticly i have
better thaings to do, then wait for someone who knows hes
not gonna show up.....why tyler why?
ok so yea that was gay and i havent been up to much
else, besides figting with lain and gittin blown off by
tyler... real cool eh i dont know enough bad words to even
describe how i feel latley, ive been so shitty with
people, and i just want to run away and break everthing i
pass on my way to where ever it is i plan on ending up...
i dont even give a fuck any more, i have no money, shitty
freinds... and work all the fucking time...Why u ask...
Because i deserve it...
There was one good thing that has happend this
weekend... I talked to cara tonight... even tho it was
only for like 10 mins, just talking to her gave me such a
good feeling inside, i cant even explain it... i know she
has all but forgotten about me, and shes busy and we never
talk, but i think about that girl every day, and she never
calls, i dont even know if she loves me or ever did for
that matter... this kinda upsets me more and more each
day, but i really just have to get over it and chill...
cuz if i dont im gonna snap soon.. If i could talk to her
once a week i would be a much happier person... If only
well i eather have to start smoking a lot more weed
really really really fast... or i have to do somthing
about the consitently shitty things that are takin place
in my life.. change or somthing is needed... but then
again maybe i just neeed to smoke more, its the only time
i really get away, and im beginning to see how someone
could totally burn themselves out and do it every day.. I
never will be that needy... but its became a lot more
reesonable latley...
Oh yea i should also write that i blew becky off tonight
cuz i was in such a bad mood and im sorry, i kno i said i
would hang out but , im a dick what can i say.... Im just
a fuck up.. .sorry becky
and Meggan too, your cute, your funny, i have a great
time with you and yet i never called back like i said i
would... im such a prick... i hope u and your friend found
a place to shop... sorry girl
Well Goodnight everyone, its almost 3 and i have waisted
another night alone... WHy god why....

- Cody, Just another Punk ass kid-
-Who sure as fuck wont be missed-




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