Sara9870

Sara
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2003-10-31 09:19:04 (UTC)

how do ya like that, i got my wish (kinda)

dont know why this goddamn thing is not posting what i am
submitting... but oh well...
i feel like this was a very intense night... i talked to
rita on the phone for a good two and half hours... we both
ranted and raved till we were exhausted. half the time we
were talking about the boys. the men. her glenn, my marco
and rita and i were having the same problems, same
thoughts, same reactions to the boys same everything,.
sometimes it feels like we are one person. its amazing, to
know someone for so long, so many years ,and we somehow end
up going through the same experiences at the same time.
even when i was italy, she was here, when i was here and
she was in africa, even then, it didnt matter, we still
ended up thinking the same things, feeling the same things,
having the same problems, going through the same growth
spurts... i wonder if it will always be like this... its
almost too scary tothink about... we always say how fucked
up it is, but thats about it... she keeps talking about
moving... and i want to cry just thinking about it... so i
wont...

anyway then marco called... had a separate marathon phone
session with him (ugh, the marathon, ok side story time:
the nyc marathon is this weekend , same weekend every year.
last year, obviously i was with chris, and he had this ex
that he talked to quite frequently. her name was catherine
and they had dated for 4 years before she broke up with
him, for what else, being a raging alcoholic. anyway at
that point i wasnt fully aware of his problem and i was
very jealous of her, she was closer to his age (he is 31
now) and established, successful, had been wiht himfor 4
years.... AND was running in the nyc marathon. right. and i
will never in my lifetime ever be able to run a marathon. i
say this with a good amount of confidence. so i got a
little... ook jealous and inwardly defensive whenever i saw
signs... and even now, they are talking about it on the
news and i still feel that same kinda HMPH , anyway)

and really, it doesnt seem like rita and glenn communicate
half a well as marco and i do, and both rita and glenn
speak perfect english and all. i really feel right now that
i said everything i needed to say. i got it out, in one way
or another, and he is making it clear he is taking me as i
am. "im in for the ride."
amazing how hard i try to curb my feelings a little, and
just a few words from him can make me just want to cry. how
could i ever let go of him? he;s just... just so good.
wonderful. i can only think of cheesy adjectives.
i feel at such a peace right now. peaceful.
so peaceful that im going to go to sleep


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