Mims

The life of Mims
2003-10-30 20:12:38 (UTC)

DIY

Hello!
Well, I don't want to give any of you folks the misleading
impression that I give a toss about my work, or actually
think that it is important to my life in any way at all
(the last few entries are a bit of a giveaway about that
point, admittedly) but, at the moment, it's all I really
have to talk about, so you will have to excuse me...

Thankless task number 1 - Card Errand! Got sent over to
the University today to collect Christmas Card samples
(yes, they value my walkability and dispensibility
immensely) and it was pissing down. So, I found an
unclaimed umbrella in the staffroom, hurrah! Only problem
being, I think it was some twits entry into the guiness
book of records, underneath the catergory of 'Most
outsized everyday item.' That umbrella could have kept an
army dry, and I did feel just a liiiitle
conspicuous....students at head level diving for cover to
avoid severe poked eyes, and people giving me alarmed
looks from the opposite side of the street *may* have done
something to aid that...

Thankless task number 2 - ~
Manager - 'Hey Miriam, are you busy?'
Me - 'Uhhhh.....'
Manager - 'Fantastic! You can water these plants for me
then. Please don't do it with a glass though, if you
wouldn't mind, carry them down to the kitchen one by one,
put them in the sink, and let them soak for half an hout
each?'
Me - 'Uhhhhh.....'
Manager - 'Great! You are a star!' - exits with a swagger
and sadistic chuckle appropriate to somebody who has just
avoided doing a time consuming and annoying task.
You see, my wonderful and slightly deranged boss spent
(and this is more than I make in 3 weeks) £450 on plants
in Ikea. By the time I had carted them all up to the
kitchen, (which is a generous stretch of that term. I
think 'Cupboard with a sink and no air conditioning' would
be more accurate) I had managed to nicely cover the
corridor with an inch or two of earth. Perfect for growing
corridor plants, but not so good for walking.
The 'Kitchen' looked like Plantasia packed into an airing
cupboard.
I left them there for a while, and when I went to make
tea, I felt like David Attenborough, peering through
swathes of foiliage in order to get a glimpse of that
rare, and astonshing creature....the kettle.
Beautiful.
I wish I could have seen the looks on the people's faces
who went in there for a digestive buiscut, and were
instead greeted by half an amazon jungle. They must have
thought they were walking through a time warp.

Thankless task number 3 - DIY. Ahh, my favourite. We had a
big order of stationary in today, and I somehow (I don't
know why I say somehow. I knew I would get it) the task of
putting together a wheely table, complete with the 'Worlds
Most Useless and Confusing Instructions - tm.'
Either this company employed a three year old to design
the instructions, or they assume a very hight level of DIY
competence and testosterone fuelled 'I can do it myself-
ness' from the average DIY-er. It was basically like this:

Picture 1 - 4 x Long Screws
- 2 x Weird long leg bits
- Several unnecesarry plastic round things
- Wood panels in assorted funny shapes
Got everything? Then lets begin!

Picture 2 - Tada! Your brand new wheely table is ready for
use, as you can see from this picture which doesn't even
give you the faintest inkling of where all the pieces
couls possibly ever fit!

Oh dear. What a day. In another 24 hours, I am so gone
from that place...no, really, my contracts over. Phew.
Phew for this diary as well, to spare people from long
tedious entries about things which are of no consequence
to anyone, not even me.

Ho hum....had two letters waiting for me when I got back.
One from the Police saying 'Congratulations! You don't
have a criminal record, so you CAN go and work for the
council, irrelevent of the fact you have been doing so for
the past 5 weeks!'
Nice to know they are on top of these things.
Also had one from phil which cheered me up a treat,
including various pictures of the 'modern art' he and his
flat mates make out of thier furniture and foodstuffs. Got
to say, I think me and Kate could have rivalled him last
year with the majestic installment of:
- '3 feet high pile of clothes entwined with a confusion
of computer cables and a juxtaposition of spoonage and
assorted cutlery'
Or
'Broken fairy lights, broken lava lamp, old plates, and
spilt make up'
All very beautiful. He invited me over tomorrow for
Haloween, but I still don't know what the fucks going on
about that. I should really try and get to the forest of
dean, as I did promise Siobhan I'd make it there about a
month ago now. But, the problem is, how the bloody hell am
I going to get there? And I don't know if I have the
available cash to get up there, and....it's all a bloody
mess. I of course really want to do both. I'd love to meet
Phil's flat mates who sound pretty cool...but I am quite
concious of the fact that Phil and Craig are the only
people I know up there. Not really a problem as
such...just have to be aware that I'll have to keep on my
social toes. He mentioned a couple of things in his letter
I'll have to quiz him on as well.
Fuck. And I can't miss Hannas party.... DAMMIT! I don't
have anything to do for ages, and then for three weeks in
a row, I have had to make choices. Why can't it all spread
out....
I don't think Phil can have got my letter yet, because he
didn't mention it when he e-mailed me today. I think it
must still be sitting in a post office somewhere - postal
strike and all isn't conducive to an efficient amiling
system. I hope I put enough stamps on. Eeep.

Alison is coming tomorrow, and as harsh as this sounds,
I'll be glad to get out of the way. She unnerves me. Well,
have to go and sort all this mess out now.
Fuckit.

Love M




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