Guava

kiss me, kill me, hold me, thrill me
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2003-10-30 04:00:14 (UTC)

Howdy

I am having a little debate in my head currently. The
question is whither or not Chris' wife feels like less of
a woman or less of a person because of me. I know she
knows I am someone he talks to. I do not know if she
knows my name or that I have sent him pictures of me.

Earlier today he got offline quickly because his wife came
home and caught him with his pants off in front of the
computer. I know that she knows what he was doing. I am
now wondering if he was still looking at the pictures I
sent him. If he was I hope she didn't get a chance to see
me.

I do not want to harm their relationship in any serious
way. From what I can make out he spends time on the
internet looking at porn a fair amount. I know that is
impersonal and me being someone on campus is personal.
Someone he could really do things with in theory.

If he was going to seek out someone like me and do things
like we are doing anyway then I'm totally ok with things.
If he wasn't then I don't know what to think. It sounds
like he looks at other girls all the time and jerks off to
them. Then me showing him pictures is no big deal. If he
doesn't usually jerk off to other women then I feel like I
am cheapening his relationship with his wife.

It's just the little debate I have going on in my head.
I'll talk to him about it tonight. Or at least see if he
understands my feelings. In the sense that I DO NOT want
to cheapen his wife and make her feel like less of a woman
or less of a sexually appealing perosn. So if I am doing
that by showing him pictures then I'll stop showing him
pictures and just stick to our friendly normal
conversations.

I just need to figure out how to word all that so he
understands my slight concern.


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