Used n Abused
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2003-10-29 10:31:34 (UTC)

Cant sleep

Hey TheRe. i just got done cleaning out my closet ,then
cleaning up the room . Then i thought well i might as well
clean my bathroom ..then my side table. turned into mopping
the kitchen floor and cleanign the hall bathroom and then
dusting the living room. and mopping the kitchen floor. so
im thinking i did pretty darn good! i DIDNt talkt o joesph
last night because he said he coudlnt get on the phone b/c
his mom didnt want him talking to me cause im a ho? shes
like anthony told me all about her. WTF~?!!?!?! If Athony
the freakin old man dont stop talking about me im gonna
make tell my then my uncle and they'll kick his
arse! i dunno but Joesph called when me and mom was going
to pick alyssa up from dance.. funn.. and i was gonna tell
him to come down but i couldnt cause i was in the car with
mom..... sooo yea. then hes like i got a beep and hangs i dunno.. i talked to him for a lil bit he
hagged me like i dunno talked to charity for
a sec. she wasnt doing nothing. man i was sitting here
thinking about how i wanna go and get married and run
off..What the heCK IS WRONG WITH ME! i have my whole life
ahead of me! I have a sorta good life. Just hearing a cuss
word every second if mom n dad are mad.. but what can you
do. theres always a price to pay...HMMMmMMm i THINK marvin
might like me more. hes been acting like it lately.? so i
dunno.Dads suppose to come home thursday. so thats good i
think. maybe i'll have joesph come down? Tomorrow or should
i say later on today Mom me and Britt are gonna go look for
something to wear on halloween...fUNNN suPEr. WOohOo i
dunno what i wanna be though. maybe a ho ho? and britt can
be my beoitch? i had to babysit last night or whatever. it
was alright only 5 kids all girls. very good stayed quiet
and watched the movie i put on for them..made 20
Im gonna try to stop cussing! its a bad habit! And im gonna
stop being trying to be a bad arse and try to be a good
christian...which isnt easy..let me tell you. Im sometimes
afraid that im not good enough for GOd? ever get that
feeling?eh? well i do. and i sit there and cry. thinking
how could forgive me? how can he accept me after all the
things i've done. knowing it was wrong knowing i've done
wrong against him. afraid that i'll burn forever in thats one of my fears...but dont tell no but then i think about how i accept Jesus as my
personal Saviour! And how out of all the things i do wrong
i do right things. i learn from my mistakes...heh i might
make the same mistakes over and over. but still ya know?
well anywho i gotta pee and im gonna try to go to bed ....
i know i wont be able to get up in the morning.. nighty
nighty God Bless!! Pray 4 me! Love always RalPh lAUrElL aKA
Lauren USEd n aBUsEd