Ramblings of a Mom
2003-10-27 13:00:29 (UTC)

Monday Morning Madness

Well, it's Monday and I'm back again. The coast trip with
my son was awesome! We got to see all of the sights that
we had planned on and then some. I'm a little sore from
touring the Navy ship, because of all of the up and down
stairs that it required, but otherwise, the baby and I
survived this trip rather well. There were so many things
to see and do, and my son reminded me (again) how easily
pleased he is. It seemed that the biggest kicks he got was
with things like feeding the seagulls, petting the sting
rays, or holding the hermit crabs and seeing if they would
come out of their shell. That's the amazing thing about
kids with AD/HD, if the find something to be focused on,
they will be there for hours. And he proved that again
this weekend. I'm not sure how long we were with the sting
rays, but I do know that we were with the hermit crabs and
sea urchins for an hour and a half. I finally just told
him that I was hungry and that the baby and I had to eat
(and not just chips, ya know?).
Saturday night I didn't call my husband (I was trying to
see if he'd call me) and he didn't call. So I figured he
was busy working or sleeping or whatever, but I just knew
that he'd call me Sunday to check on us coming home. Well,
wrong again, he never called. I know I'm hormonal, being
pregnant and all, but my feelings are hurt. It didn't even
seem like he was glad to see us when we got home. I told
him as much and he told me that he didn't know how I got
that impression, that he was just 'relaxing' which was 'all
he'd done all day'. Oh, and pardon us for interrupting
your relaxing day!
I think that he went out with one of his buddies Saturday
night. Which I really don't mind or care, I just wish that
he would talk to me. Every time I turn around since I've
been home, I've wanted to or started to cry. Hell, I'm
crying now as I write this. I know I've got to get him to
just sit down and talk to me, which he will do if I ask him
to. It's just the time in between that kills me. I even
tried to hug on him this morning and he allowed me to hug
him but he didn't reciprocate the hug. Then, after I had
gotten my son up and moving, I came back to initiate some
attention again, and the dog was there, so he says
something, I respond, and he tells me, I'm not talking to
you, I was talking to the dog. I know he's kidding, he
even told me so as soon as he said it this morning, but
like I told him, you've been kidding like that a lot
lately. I don't think he realizes how much it hurts me
right now. I need him! I know he loves me, that's not a
question, but I just need him to show it a little bit more
than he has lately.
I feel like I am almost repeating a pattern that went on
with my ex-husband and it scares the shit out of me!! This
time I am kind of trapped in that I have sacrificed
everything for him (my job, etc) and how much it will hurt
my son this time and the child to be born yet. I know in
my heart that that is not what he wants to happen either,
but I need to know these things from him. I just have to
make him take some time out, just for us, and talk to me.
The question now is, when. The where will be right here in
our bedroom, but I'm not sure that I want to have this
convo while my son is still up b/c he is so close to me and
he already picked up on my sadness last night and I don't
want him to worry. I'd like to let him know that there is
nothing wrong and just let me and my husband work it out.
We just have to talk and I have to stop dropping hints
about things that are bothering me and just let him know
everything up front.
Well, I've rambled long enough, I better get going on
things for today. Until later....