jmille02

The Other One I can Talk Too
2003-10-27 07:26:02 (UTC)

Late night....

Well, its like 2 in the morning. I am laying in my
bed and I decide to pull out my laptop and type something
into my diary........and fuck yes I am a bit happy. I now
have wireless in my house.....hehe, so I can now do all
this from the comfort of my own bed....muhahahaha....
Well back to the point, I jut woke up from a very
straange dream.....i have been having them alot lately. I
cannot remember exactly what its about, I just know it
recurring and its fucked up enough to wake me up before it
finishes......although it is recurring, I have been able
to try to controle it so tat I can take it further while
in the dream....it just ends up too much for me to stay in
the dream. Unfortunatly this fucking dream is about Yasem.
I remember when she would tell me about all the nightmares
she had, and that I was a contributing factor in all of
em. Well now its her turn.
All I can distictly remember from the dream is that
it starts off as a play back of the day that we broke up.
While we are sitting in her car she is asking me how long
do I think it would take for me to love her
again.......and then it pauses....she turns her head....I
think to myself that I really don't think that I could
ever let myself even love anyone mjuch less her....then
she turn back to look at me, and its my
mom........WTF..thats where I usually woke up. The I
realized why that happened.....because I lost all love for
my mom along time ago, and I never knew why and I still
don't.
The rest of the dream is just a blurr in my memory. I
wish I could remember more so I can try to get to the end
of the fucker, but knowing my luck....that aint going to
happen. I just know that every time I wake up I cannot
stop thinking about her. I start to wonder what she is
doing.......and then I realize that she has already found
2 other replacements for what she thought she felt for
me....I am sorry I have to pose a question to all of my
loyal readers out there.... If you truely love someone,
and you really replace them in 2 days......and then turn
back around and tell your ex that you still love
them.....then turn around again and have another
replacment in mind and persure that. That's what has me
lost......it was the run emotional around that she put me
through that has me upsidedown. I ahev yet to be able to
stop thinking about her.....and she has already fallen
asleep holding someone else and on more than one occasion
kissed with the fucker....and here I am, forever the
asshole.......worrying about her and how she is going to
get home when she gets herself drunk with a bunch of
people and she tells me she is going to drive
home......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......I feel
a bit better now.

I honetly don't wanna be able to right a next time.....




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