nin137

Nick's Journal
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2003-10-25 21:21:54 (UTC)

Last thoughts on I don't know what

have you ever had a song stuck in your head? well i've had
a poem stuck in my head all day long. it's "last thoughts
on woody guthrie" by bob dylan. the whole day i can of
wander around with that crazy ass inredibly great poem
just rambling through my mind. see the thing is i haven't
the mental capacity to keep it all lucidly together so
fragments of the fine prose weave through my thoughts. i
just kind of always walk around with the notion that
something great will happen to me. you ever feel that?
you know you just walk around and you imagine some fair
maiden needing your help, something out of the ordinary.
and of course it's so great because you're that guy that
will save her and at the same time not give yourself up to
the temptation of love.
instead you just ride off on your very dirty filas after
you've karate-kicked every frat guy off of her.....yeah
well that's what i sometimes fantasize. well not
sometimes, all the time more likely. i always wish that
life were more exciting and then i just look around and i
see the bloody leaves dying their fiery deaths in such an
eloquent fashion, slowly cascading their way to the
evergreen lawn. i mean why do i want that crazy ass
fantasy when i have the beautiful fulfillment of nature?
or when i just walk around and i actually get a smile from
a strange girl instead of the scowl of, "what the fuck are
you looking at?".
see that's all we "plain folks" want. we don't want to
turn into some ninja or bodybuilder (although it might
help), all we want is the soft sigh that escapes us as an
orange leaf falls on our hair and some nice girl just
aknowledges the fact that our emotion is for just one
instance appreciated. that's not too much to ask is it?
i don't really know, i don't know what we're entitled to
in this world, but i do know what i wish and what i
despise. when i watch tv and roll my eyes or listen to
those idiots that think that they spew the prophecies of
diversity and future.
well anyhow i can actually sometimes ride the bus and
smile. for the simple chance occurence of a girl asking
me for a cigarette saying, "i know only beggars or
assholes ask this....but do you have a cigarette?" and i
just happen to have one. and there i get to learn
emily...she's in business, i've seen a ton of times
before, and for the first time i've gotten into a
conversation with her. just those small phantasmogorical
occurences that absolutely jostle me out of the bubble of
everyday life are my fantasy.....now that's not too much
to ask is it?


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